Days 23 and 24, oh my goodness, friends

Let me clarify, I did not eat cheeseburgers today. I did have pizza for lunch, and it was freaking delicious. This meme is more in response to yesterday, where my team and I had to drive up to Columbus for a day long meeting. In theory, this is not a problem; in fact I appreciate leadership getting everyone together. However, I felt the training was run by people who really did not know the material well enough to teach it. A good portion of the information in the morning really had little to do with the coordinators, and anytime we shared input, we felt blown off (we're kind of the ground floor positions.) And then we go back to hundreds of emails and have to catch up on the work we missed. And so does everyone else, my point here is just that it was stressful. On top of that, I had no time to work out yesterday, at all. I didn't get home until 8pm. And the night before, my girl got sick, and there was cleaning and grossness to deal with...so I'm driving over the river, and I have been thinking about Whoppers for the past two weeks after listening to The Talisman by Stephen King on audio, and they talked about eating Whoppers, and I was so hungry, and I stopped for a Whopper. And damn, I forgot how much I liked Whoppers. Yeah, it was good. I did not feel great, though. In fact, I felt downright ick. Fast food does not, apparently, agree with me. I knew I had issues with McDonald's, but there goes the Whopper.

It was tasty.

Anyway, I went into work today, and everyone was feeling kind of...blah. I was dead tired, and still feeling a bit ick. The others were tired and feeling kind of raw, and I felt like we needed to do something about it, so I got pizza for lunch, and made everyone take lunch together, and it was nice. And I took a couple of walks around the building, because the weather was insanely gorgeous. My friend and I were supposed to go to yoga together, but traffic was bad, and I didn't plan well enough, so neither of us were able to meet at the studio. I went to the gym instead, and I worked really hard (although I was a little discombobulated, since I hadn't planned my strength workout for the day,) and I definitely felt better after that. I made one of my soups for dinner to make up for the pizza, and I'm feeling pretty good now, although I really do need to clean. Tomorrow night I have to work until 8? something like that, so I'll have to try and get a workout in tomorrow morning, or maybe at lunch? I'll reapply deodorant, I promise. And then, glorious Friday...I'm off work...lalalala! I'll take pictures and post them here, I promise.

Reason for working late tomorrow - Making Strides Against Breast Cancer is coming up in October. We have walks all over the country, but the Cincinnati event is on Saturday, October 26 at Yeatman's Cove, and we are having our kick-off event tomorrow evening at Fueled Collective on Edwards Rd. If you have any interest in helping raise money for breast cancer research, please come out, or, if you have any questions, please let me know.

I'm going to drink tea and watch Schitt's Creek now, because that sounds delightful. Have a good night.

Days 19-22

This may be the way it goes - not blogging on the weekends and catching up on the weekdays. Why? Because I am a busy girl, people. Friday I did a yoga class (a lovely, relaxing, yin yoga class), and then spent the evening hanging out with my guy, Sunday night I went to a book club where I discussed the very excellent book Where the Crawdads Sing with some lovely friends, and, well...Saturday night I watched "Schitt's Creek" because it was good, and enjoyable, but my sitting on my butt watching tv was probably not something to write about.

It was a lovely weekend, though. The weather was insanely beautiful - low 80's, sunny, gorgeous. I mowed and gardened and walked on Saturday, and Sunday morning I met a friend to walk, and then went to the gym to lift, and came home to do some more gardening. We are impatiently awaiting our green tomatoes to ripen - we've had a few, but something seems to eat the bottoms off them, which is a bit irritating. Probably the unbelievably fat rabbit that is waddling across my yard most evenings. I believe he has also eaten most of our jalapenos and serranos this year. Spicy little bugger.

Today I got three out of my five reviews done at work, so, go me! I got off early to take my daughter to an appointment, and then ran all the errands - went to the gym, where I worked my chest and butt/hips, picked up Finny's insulin, Girl's contacts, and a rental car - tomorrow I have to drive a bunch of coworkers up to Dublin for a staff meeting, which, admittedly, I am not looking forward to, but we do what we have to do. Then onto friend's house for weigh in - 3 lbs down from last week (I'm not tracking these weigh-ins here, as it is a different scale than the one at the doctor's office, and the doctor's scale has it out for me, but I'm using that one to track.) Then home, where I ate chicken and veggies, and a few pieces of little naan with artichoke/jalapeno dip, but I'm still kind of hungry, so I believe tea is in order. Did I tell you all about the very cool gift I received a few weeks ago - a tea sampler gift set from Pukka:

Not quite as cool as the 10 tiny Jeff Goldblum buttons someone made me, but still lovely.

I'll have to wake up early and walk tomorrow morning, since I'm not entirely sure what time I'll be home. In the meantime, I should probably get my laundry folded. Which is a little silly, since it's just fine hanging out in the basket, but it would probably be a little more convenient I didn't have to run around the house naked in the morning, looking for clean underwear. Of course, nobody else wakes up that early, so it's not that big a deal...

Big question for the day - what is the best book you've read this summer?

Day 18

Another happy Friday eve. It took me 2 hours to get to work this morning. Why? Because it was raining. Raining! 75 N was closed because of an accident an hour before, and all traffic was being routed up 71, which was running pretty freaking slow, and let's not even talk about what I was stuck in before I hit the river....breathing, breathing...I ate a bagel. Yeah. See Cincinnati! Your stupid infrastructure made me eat a bagel!

So yes, emotional eating happened today, although it could have been worse. I had my shake this morning, but did not feel the love from my afternoon shake, so I ate 9 olives, 2 Tbsp of peanut butter, a plum, and a bag of skinny pop. I'll bring my soup tomorrow - I really did not feel very satiated from that. I left early, thankfully, to see the dietitian, and today was weigh-in day...

Starting weight: 289 lb 9.6 oz

Last week:  282 lb 6.4 oz

Current weight: 279 lb 1.6 oz

Loss: 3 lb 4.8 oz

I was in a better mood after that. Especially since I've been working pretty hard. Also, I'm pretty psyched to have passed up that first decade, you know?

I left the dietitian and went to the gym. Did my cardio and then back and biceps. I need to start planning the specific exercises ahead of time, though, I spent a little more time than I should have looking up exercises on my phone. For instance, I was supposed to do bicep curls using the cable machine, but I had no idea which attachment to use for to work my biceps. The first bit I chose did not work - I looked like a nutjob. Anyway, did my plank for another challenge, and then finished with 3 sets of 30 second battleropes. Because we should always finish our workout feeling like a warrior. I took a selfie at the gym, but I really don't like it:

That's a lot of upper arm I'm showing there. I do, however love this tshirt.

I'd like to chill for the rest of the evening, so here is a ferret picture:

In this picture, Nessa is eating a ferret treat, and Paco is jealous because she won't share. They are very funny together - she beats the everliving crap out of him, and he comes back for more. He did end up stealing the last bite, so Nessa lost that one.

Tomorrow is my rest day - I'm meeting my friend for an evening yoga class. I look forward to it, but I'll try to walk a few laps around the building during the day. Here's to a logical commute time, and a pleasant Friday to you all.

Day 17, and I will be hurtin' tomorrow

I met with the personal trainer at Planet Fitness this afternoon. Almost missed it - truck overturned on 71 south, and 75 was backed up so badly, it took me 1 1/2 hours to get home, but he was nice and met with me anyway. I went in with solid goals, a basic knowledge of what exercises work what, and specific likes and dislikes (I will do pretty much anything with free weights, dumbbells, bands, etc, but I hate the machines.) I told him I will work hard, but without a structured plan, I tend to wander, so tell me what to do and I'll do it. That's why I love classes so much. He told me he loves to work with people like me, and helped me come up with a structured-ish plan (that's what I get with a Planet Fitness trainer.) I don't love the fact that since I said weight loss is a goal, he stuck me with the lighter weights/more reps thing, since I do want to get stronger, but I'm supposed to meet up with him again in 3 weeks so we can revisit the plan. Also, he's a big plan of battleropes, which I love, and he told me to finish every workout with 3 sets of 30 seconds with battleropes. Fun!

Food started out very well, and then I was desperately craving chocolate, which was a little odd. I also happened to stop by Trader Joe's, and in a moment of weakness, I picked up some dark chocolate covered marshmallows. I definitely ate more than a serving of them in the car, but I didn't crave them at all after that, and I will be leaving them at home, as I don't tend to crave chocolate at night, and perhaps my husband will eat them. For dinner, I cooked up a bunch of non-starchy veggies with onion, garlic, soy sauce, and sriracha, and added the chicken I cooked in the crockpot. I made enough for the next three days, it was really good, and totally fit my exchanges, so I'm feeling pretty good about that.

Today's Tiny Buddha post was about how words matter, which is something a lot of people could learn from for sure, but since we're talking health here, it was interesting how many of the author's tips for how changing your word choice can change your life align with all those programs and courses I was talking about the other day. For instance, "Swapping 'I'll try' for 'I can, and I will.'" Understanding, of course, that Yoda said it first, it definitely makes a difference in my mindset early on when I say "I will go to the gym this afternoon" instead of "I'll try and make it." First, I am prepared - gym bag packed, people at home aware I won't be home. Second, I have made the plans, so I go. Also, saying "I get to" instead of "I have to" - major attitude shift. My body is able to exercise. I am able to afford the medical program and the nasty ass shakes. And finally, and my favorite, "ask better questions." When you are trying to figure out how to change your life, asking the right questions is imperative. I feel this is something I need to figure out as I try to determine what I love to do, and how I want to spend my time as I get older. I've mentioned in the past that "living my passion" has always been complicated for me, as I could not figure out what my passion is. I suppose I need to ask better questions. I think it must be a skill to ask good questions, and it is one I need to develop. The author finished that paragraph by quoting Tony Robbins, who I have never in my life quoted, but this was a good one: "Quality questions create a quality life. Successful people ask better questions, and as a result, they get better answers."

Deep stuff, Tony. Deep stuff.

Day 16 - and I shook my moneymaker

My plan was to go to the gym after work today, so I packed my bag, but one of my coworkers told me about a place she goes to do Zumba, and that the first three classes are free, and I saw they had a class at 5:30...I haven't done Zumba in ages. It was good fun, although a major storm came through right before, and they had no power! But the speaker had a battery, and there was some light coming through the windows, so we Zumba'd in the dark. Which worked well, since I haven't gone in a long time, and I didn't know any of their routines, so I was definitely not at my Zumba best. Having no power also meant no A/C, so I worked up a respectable sweat, and I was not alone.

I prepped chicken in the crockpot this morning, so I had food for dinner - cut up some cucumber and tomato from my garden, nuked some little yellow potatoes, it was tasty. Snacks today were restricted to a nectarine, 2 cups of Skinny Pop, and 1/2 cup of blueberries, so I am definitely on point with the calories - and I tracked it all, so go me! I also updated all my Nerd Fitness Epic Quests (another challenge :) and I added 2 minutes of meditation daily. I really feel I need to get back to this - my brain has been pretty scatty, like a squirrel on meth, and it's not pretty when I'm trying to accomplish something. You would think the daily exercise would help, and it does, to a point, but I just feel like I need to find my center again. And I'm starting with 2 minutes, such a small part of my day to hopefully build another healthy habit.

Maybe it will help me find my little hoop I wear in my top hole that I stuck in my gym bag last week and cannot find, for crap's sake, and it is very irritating!

Breathing. See? I need meditation. Today I found myself commenting snarkily on someone's conservative comment on someone else's Facebook feed. I tend to abstain from snarky political comments, as I really do not care to engage on social media when I can't trust myself to know enough to argue intelligently, but I did it! See, meditation will help me to think before I type!

I enjoy guided meditations very much. My brother gave me a series of lectures and meditations called "The Science of Mindfulness" by Dr. Ron Siegel, and he is really pretty brilliant.

That's him. Isn't he adorable?

These two minutes will be a basic seated meditation, focus on the breath, feel the body, allow myself to acknowledge thoughts and let them go...I'll move on from there.

Another thing that will help my brain? Sleep. Have a restful night, and a pleasant morrow.

Day 15

I had Raising Canes for dinner. Fast food twice in one week. Not exactly on plan, is it? I was craving it, and I was not in the mood to cook, and it tasted damn good. I did not take the time to meal prep yesterday (in fact, I did not take the time to do much yesterday. I sat around and played WordScapes and did some yoga and that was about it.) Today I woke up to walk, and I drank my shake for breakfast, had the tortilla soup for lunch with a couple of spoons of salsa, a few snacky things...I got home and my son went and got me my chicken fingers, and then I did some laundry and cleaning, so some stuff got done. Tomorrow morning I plan to put some chicken in the crockpot for the day so I'll have protein for dinner when I get home. Yup, that's the plan. I also plan to hit the gym after work, so I won't much feel like cooking after.

Woooo, reading that paragraph is like riding the scrambler; it is kind of all over the place. My brain is feeling a bit random and goofy this evening. Also, I'm eating blueberries. See? What does that have to do with anything?

Got my first review out of the way today. So I got that goin for me. Which is nice...

I'm a bit of a sucker for challenges and online courses and groups. Especially if they have anything to do with health and wellness, physical and/or mental. Not to say they aren't worth it if finished, but I am severely challenged at finishing anything. I purchased the Organize Yourself Skinny e-course, which is a great course, and I love the woman who writes that blog, but then, less than a year later, Nerd Fitness had a major sale on their Academy/Yoga bundle, so I purchased that. I have actually gotten a lot out of that, if only because I love the Academy Facebook page - I talk to a lot of the women there. I have joined a friend's challenge multiple times. I have yet to finish it, but for some reason, every time I've joined, something horrible has happened within my family. Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers this week, as I joined again today. I like these, as I actually know these people in real life. I've done more than one dietbet, and I was this close to joining the Fit Girl's Guide Instagram challenge last week, until I realized, with it being an Insta challenge, I would probably be 20 years older than the average participant, and I was not willing to be that person this time. And of course, there is this St. E thing I'm doing, and will succeed at, if I abstain from the fast food from now on, amirite?

My goals for this week from my Nerd Fitness accountability group (have I mentioned I'm a joiner?):

1. Continue with the 2 shakes/soup a day + add take vitamins every day (as recommended by doctor)
2. Continue to move each day, and add 2 days strength training this week (I meet with the personal trainer on Wednesday evening to set up a program
3. Track every bite - I've been a bit remiss lately, especially with that late night cheeseburger Satruday night...I have to track my exchanges, and I haven't been doing it.

Also - do my daily butts and gutts move for that challenge, and drink glug glug half my body weight in water every day for my friend's challenge. Admittedly I get very close to that, but I am going to be peeing...

My Pukka Three Chamomile tea is cool enough to drink now, and I feel like laughing, so I'm going to watch an episode of Brooklyn Nine Nine while I await my daughter's return from her boyfriend's house. You all have a pleasant night.

Days 12, 13, 14

Hello.

The weekend is about over, which is sad, except that it was a nutty, kind of stressful weekend. But let's focus on the health stuff -
Friday I overslept, and I did not work out, and then I was going to classics book club straight after, so there was no time for a workout then, either. I did drink my shakes, walked a lap or two around the building and parking lot every hour, so all went swimmingly, until I got to book club, where I proceeded to ingest 3/4 of a jar of queso with chips. It tasted outstanding, but holy indigestion, I felt like hell.

Saturday I had a wedding to attend in Columbus. I walked in the morning, and it felt like a freaking rainforest, it was so hot and muggy. I drank a shake before I left, and did not really overindulge on wedding food, but I was hungry on my way home, like stomach growling, I want a Big Mac hungry. I did not get a Big Mac, but we did stop at McDonalds and I got food, but I did not eat all of it. Today I did ok food-wise, and I did a yoga workout, which felt good.

All in all, it was not a great weekend, food-wise or brain-wise, I'm not going to let it derail me. This week I meet with a personal trainer at the gym, and I have a meeting with the dietitian.

I also have reviews every day this week. Have I mentioned how much I hate doing these? There are a lot of parts of management I enjoy - I love the feeling of hiring a great new team member, I like my staff to feel I am on their side, and I will always go to bat for them, hopefully helping them find their way in the organization - I'm definitely a nurturer, all the way. I hate reviews. I don't excel at disciplining my own children, let alone women (or men) my own age. And they are so restrictive, and I hate corporate language. I've probably gone far enough to explain my hatred for this process, and worst of all, these are only the mid-year reviews. It's much worse for end of year.

In other words, I'm not exactly going into the week with a great attitude. But I will do my damndest to control what I can, and to get these reviews over with as painlessly as possible, right?

Day 11

Good evening, lovelies. It's probably going to be another short one today, as I am super sleepy. Today was another productive day - packed my snacks, and didn't even eat all of them. Drank my shakes, and came home to dinner already made, and while I ate what they made, I kept my portions in check. Exercise-wise, today was a gym day. Started on the rower, then on the treadmill, then I was going to do some strength exercises. They were starting the PF360 class when I went in there, and a friend of mine was doing it, and she convinced me to join in - it was fun! Plus, I am so much more likely to challenge myself when I'm doing a class.

Another lovely plus to today's workout was mental. We all know I deal with depression and anxiety, and exercise definitely helps with those lovely friends. But today was a little rough. I have some unnerving things to deal with right now, and going to the gym took my mind off all of it. Like, I didn't really think about anything but moving my body and feeling healthy and strong. Such a great side effect.

This weekend will be busy - tomorrow night I get to spend time with book club friends, I have a family wedding to attend on Saturday, and all my house crap and food prep will have to be done on Sunday. I plan to stay on track with my shakes for Friday and Saturday, and skip the alcohol, but relax a bit for the evenings. I will walk tomorrow morning, and probably go to the gym Saturday, yoga on Sunday. Ooh, and the lawn needs mown...

Here, have a picture of me, all enjoying those mighty morphin endorphins...

My selfie game needs some work, and there is something wrong with the front lens on my camera, so I tend to only do mirror pictures. Something to work on.

Sleep pretty, friends.

Day 10

Today was the first day of school. Unlike my children, I always loved the first day of school, and I mean back when I was a student, not just as a parent. It always felt more like the beginning of the year than January - new classes, new kids, new teachers, clean slate. My manchild is out of school, but my girl still has two years left, and she is not pleased about it, which breaks my heart, just a bit. Anyway, it meant I went to work a little late, so my eating was actually just fine today, thank you - my normal hot cocoa shake mixed with my coffee for breakfast, no morning snacks at all, and I tried the tortilla soup mixed with a little salsa for lunch, and that was actually pretty good. It's still me mixing powder and water, but it tastes less like chemicals than the shakes, so that is a good thing. I had a piece of fruit and my little bag of popcorn for my afternoon snack, and my prepped salad for dinner. My one downfall today - one of the event managers gave each of us a bag of dark chocolate covered salted caramels as a thank you. There is only one thing I love more than dark chocolate, and that is dark chocolate covered salted caramels. OH my they are good. I did have more than my allotted one today, but I did stop at three - which is way too many, but oh. They were good. Tomorrow it is back to one, darn it. These babies will last me until the next event.

Exercise - I did not plan, which is never a good thing. I overslept, and I really did not want to go to the gym...then I remembered I had a pair of capris in the car. I work across the street from the Blue Ash Rec Center, and the Blue Ash Nature Park runs behind that - so I walked over there and walked the trails. Not a terribly long walk, especially since I didn't exactly know which way to go, but I got a good 30 minutes in, and ended with some lunges, inchworms, and planks. Not a bad workout, and I didn't feel nearly as crappy sitting in the car for the next hour. I'll have to remember that, and start just keeping my gym bag packed in my car, just in case.

So yup, all in all a good, productive day. I'm going to go repack my work tote and gym bag, and then go play with the ferrets. I got the cutest freaking picture of them all snuggled up together last night:

Oh my goodness, they are such muffins.

Day 9

After posting about fixing my snacking habits, I snacked like a crazy person today. So much snacking - a lot of plums, a bit of peanut butter. Not feeling great about all the snacking. Tomorrow is another day, however, and I am packing in limited snacks, so I won't be able to oversnack. I did walk this morning. There is a danger element when walking while staring at the sky, hoping to catch the last few meteors. I only saw one, unfortunately, but I only tripped twice, and never fell, so I have that going for me. My plan is to walk again tomorrow morning, but it may have to change to afternoon, depending upon what time I get to sleep. I have trouble sleeping when everyone else in the house is awake, and this is a problem when my kids both stay up later than I do.

I did my weekly weigh in and meeting at the hospital today, as well:

Last week: 284 lb 12.8 oz
Today: 282 lb 6.4 oz
Loss: 2 lb 6.4 oz

That was pleasant. The class just addressed various uses for cauliflower, which admittedly I did not find fascinating (cauliflower is good, and I eat plenty of it, but it does not taste like potatoes or bread or anything but cauliflower, so why try), but they did test a recipe for chicken lettuce wraps on us, and they were pretty tasty. And we spent a little time after chatting about what's working for us, and what is not, which was pretty close to what I was looking for with a support group. Also nice.

Tonight we watched the last episode of Legion. I loved Legion. I loved the mutants, I loved the music, I loved the weird, unreliable narrator and constantly questioning if this was all real, or just happening in his head. And I loved Dan Stevens, who really grew on me - as the character, but also 'cuz he's just kind of hot. And Audrey Plaza, pretty much for the same reasons. This makes me want to talk about Percy, who was a character in his own right. Percy was the part time maintenance guy at our old office. We all kind of loved Percy, and before he left, Percy said he loved working with us more than any other job he had. Percy was a talker, and what Percy loved to talk about was comic books, shows made from comic books, movies made from comic books...you get the idea. Oh, and wrestling, which I've never really enjoyed, so we really didn't talk about that. I got Percy to watch Star Trek: Discovery, and he got me to watch Marvel's Cloak and Dagger, which, while a little teen angsty for my taste, ended up being a pretty good story.

I miss Percy. He didn't move with us to our new office, and he doesn't drive, so I am unsure as to when I'll get to see him again. I miss the fact that every morning he would spend his first 30 minutes talking to me about movies and shows, whether I was paying attention or not, but most of the time I did, because I love all that nerdy stuff, too.

And now I will miss Legion. Oh yeah, that was the point, Percy didn't like Legion - it was one of the only Marvel shows he did not enjoy, and stopped watching. He said it was too weird, and I teased him, saying that was why I liked it so much. Ooh, and the guy who played Farouk had the most beautiful accent.

See how cute he is with his crazy eyes?

Bye guys. It was fun.

Day 8

Monday is just about over, and that's a good thing. I overdid the snacking today. Had my shakes and a healthy dinner, but I really need to stick to the proper exchanges, especially for starches and fruit, which tend to be what I snack on. I belong to a subgroup on Nerd Fitness for accountability, and each week we set goals and update each day. I belong to a lot of accountability groups, but nothing helps me quite like this does (and my daily texts from my friends, and we'll address that in a minute.) Anyway, I posted to that group for the first time in a while, and here's what I posted:

1. 1. Work on checking in with my body for hunger before eating, as I've snacked more than I should out of boredom. To accomplish this, I will prepackage and pack specific snacks for the day. Having a whole bag of Skinnypop at work means I just eat out of it, so I will have to be more deliberate.
2. 2. Drink my shakes - 2 a day
3. 3. Be more deliberate with my one meal; measuring the protein and starch. To accomplish this, I will need to meal prep, which I did not do yesterday - I leave work early today, so I'll do some prep tonight.

I did leave work early today for an appointment, and then I went to the gym, and then I went to Costco, and THEN I came home and made two mason jar salads with the appropriate exchanges for dinner for the next two nights. Tomorrow night I have a nutrition class at the hospital, so I will be seriously hungry when I get home. Having the salad ready to just pour out will definitely help. I love mason jar salads.

I planned out my workouts for this week, and today I did go to the gym. When I was done, I made an appointment for next week with the trainer there. I have been relying on various online workouts, but it would be nice to have something just for me. Also, I pay for this membership, I may as well take advantage of the perks. Tomorrow's plan is to wake up early and walk.

Let's talk friends. I mentioned I have a few friends who have been texting me a lot over the last week or so to check in and encourage. I have amazing friends, and I am truly lucky. I have been subscribing to Tiny Buddha for the past several years, so I get their daily emails. Sometimes they have little to do with me and I just skim them, sometimes they are interesting, and sometimes they are just so appropriate and true to me. Today's addressed friendship, and how to maintain strong friendships. She talks about how we have different kinds of friends, that friendship doesn't have to fit some sit-com model, we don't always have to agree to maintain a friendship, etc. She talks about setting boundaries, as well...really, you should read the article, it was very good. Anyway, I would like to go another step, and discuss the fact that making friends is a skill, like playing an instrument. And maybe some people have an innate talent, making it easy for them to make friends throughout their lives, but I think if they don't practice that skill, it will fade, or become less accessible for them. And for the rest of us, we have to really work at it, practice and as we get older, it becomes easier, and we better understand the right types of friendships that work for us, and we continue to practice...

this is absolutely true for me. From the time I was a preteen on, making friends was very hard for me. Which was a bit heart-breaking, because as we all know, I am a very social person. But I had this idea of what friendship looked like, and I worked really hard to make friends, to the point that even I found myself annoying. I had good friends, but I often felt very alone. Maybe because I thought friends always wanted to be together, or maybe just because I felt awkward. In my 20's I was dreadfully lonely, even though I had my family, and my husband, and a few people I spent time with, but I truly did not know how to get myself out there. When we moved here, there was no family, no family friends to depend upon, and I had to really step out of that comfort zone. I am not a person who can tolerate long periods of alone. Any of my IRL friends who have been around me when my panic attacks are bad know, my way of dealing is putting myself among people who care. I crave other people. Even when my kids were in school, I would go to MOMS Club events and hold other people's babies, just so I could be around other people when my anxiety was bad. It helped, and some of those connections I made in MOMS Club have remained my closest friends. And I've moved on from there. As I have gotten older, it has gotten easier to talk to people, to start conversations, and just put myself out there as someone who is open to friendship. I no longer feel awkward about being social, or maybe I just embrace that awkwardness; all I know is, I've made amazing connections with people - through clubs, through other people, through the freaking internet - it's fantastic how people I didn't really know well in high school, or they didn't know nerdy little me - how some of these people have become some of my favorites as we've become adults and recognized how very interesting and fabulous they are.

Some of the beautiful friends I've made over the years have become my own personal cheerleaders, and they text me morning greetings, motivation, precious pics of their babies and cats, or bizarre plats of survey for me to puzzle over during my peak snacking times. They have restarted exercise challenges, so I'm planking at work again. Work is always more fun when you take a plank break, and the carpet in my new office is clean enough I'm not disgusted to get down on it. They are reading and responding, and being their awesome selves, and I am a very lucky ducky indeed.

Now that I have gushed, I must find a precious friend meme, and then go up for a little ferret playtime and bed. I have to be up early, after all...

Yup. Perfect.

Good night, friends. Seriously, check out Tiny Buddha.

Day 7

A full week of daily movement and following the St. E plan mostly correctly. 7 full days of ridiculous amounts of water, and waking up twice a night to pee, but that's ok, as I am feeling pretty freaking good. This morning I walked with friends, before it got hot, and that was a lovely way to start the day.
Here's a funny thing - I ran into a couple I know at the arboretum. I see them at the gym almost every time I'm there, running together. I run into them at the grocery store. Honestly, I just run into them a lot, and they are almost always together, and often doing something healthy. I guess it's not a funny thing, just kind of cool. The healthiest things my guy and I do together (aside from the obvious 😉; if my kids already don't read this, that should stop them,) is watch Marvel shows and eat vegetables. We do eat a lot of vegetables. Tonight during dinner we watched a few episodes of the third season of G.L.O.W. I'm not loving where this season is going, although it was interesting - the first episode of the season addresses the Challenger disaster, and I was just discussing that with my brother-in-law last weekend, you know, where were you, etc. I was in fifth grade, in Mrs. Santos' class, and my love affair with the space program had just started the year before, so it was extremely devastating for me, and for all of us, to watch that shuttle break apart. Mrs. Santos was the perfect teacher to be there for this disaster, as she was such a caring and kind teacher, and she really calmed us down, but I know that was kind of the JFK shooting of my generation. You know, like, where were you when it happened?

My son just asked if I really think any of you won't know what I'm talking about when I mention the Challenger disaster, and I suggested a lot of you are younger than I am. He says they learned about it in school, although they really didn't talk about any of the successful space missions, except for maybe Apollo 11. He also was annoyed by the fact that I alternate between ok and okay, and between spelling out my numbers and just using numbers, and that I should be more consistent. I told him to go away and stop reading over my shoulder.

I didn't get much cleaning done today, but I did finish the laundry, and the desk has been moved to my car, so the living room is so much emptier, huzzah. Tomorrow I work, blech, and I have to do my dumb reviews. I have an afternoon appointment, and then the gym. And it is 8:30, so I guess I'll start making my way upstairs. Have a delightful rest of the evening.

Day 6

Oh, glorious Saturday.
And a lovely way to spend it, beginning with an hour of yoga with one of my favorite people at one of my favorite places. If you live in the Cincinnati area and you enjoy yoga, I cannot recommend World Peace Yoga enough. It is such a welcoming place, and the energy there is soothing. My body was asking for coffee, the way I like it, so I treated myself to a bagel and cream cheese with coffee, and more importantly, a long, winding, and relaxing conversation with my friend. After dropping her off, I stopped by Great Clips and had 4 inches cut off my ponytail, as it was starting to annoy me, and came home.

The rest of the day has been spent alternating cleaning, reading, and chilling with my guy. Laundry has been done, and stuff has been moved out of my house. I planned to get some weeding done, and it did not, but darn it, I've really enjoyed this day. And next...I made enchiladas for dinner...MELTY CHEESE for the win!

Tomorrow morning I'm meeting friends to walk at the arboretum - another lovely way to start the day. Food prep, bathroom cleaning, more laundry, and cat box tending shall be done, as it will be very hot, calling for an indoors day.

I really would like to get to my enchiladas and book, so I am going to cut it short today. Only know, I am feeling really great right now. All the exercise and the better nutrition has really made a huge difference a very short time. Please remind me of this as I start to slip off the wagon 😋

Ok, short post calls for fun health-related meme stolen from the internet - let me go look, hold up:

Day 5

It's Friday, it's Friday...and it wasn't even a bad day. My organization is holding a golf outing on Monday, so we had a buttload of prep work to finish up before the weekend, I trained a volunteer, and really was too busy to be bored. Which tells me exactly how much of my eating is boredom eating, doesn't it.

I woke up super tired, though, and with no workout plan; I slept until I had to leave. So today was a gym after work day. Generally the place is packed around that time, but apparently other people do things on Friday nights like happy hours, dinners with friends, etc. More equipment for me! I was having a bit of trouble getting into it, but then my friend Lady Gaga started singing, and I found my groove. I wonder if surveys would show the treadmills on either side of me are empty because people are creeped out by the breathless singing/chanting I start doing with the Gaga?

Food was ok - hit the popcorn a bit hard again, but otherwise shakes, a cheesestick and nectarine for snack, and my chicken, veggies, little potatoes dinner. No regular soda since last Saturday, only 2 diet sodas this week, so that is a total win.

I'm in a decent mood today, so my non-weight loss related topic for the day will be something I've addressed more than once over the years, and still have not fixed. And that is, my house. And my inability to ever keep it freaking clean. Some of you know I went back to work full time 8 years ago, after being home with my kids for 10 years. I'm not so naive as to think there is even a such thing as "balance", but I have never been able to even come slightly close to being able to work, make food, work on my health stuff, deal with the kids, and keep the house clean. And my kids are almost grown now! Now, during the heavy softball part of the summer, all my weekends were shot, and I kind of had an excuse, but softball's been over for a few weeks, and even on the off weekends...yeah, I can complain about being busy all I want, but honestly, there are so many things to do, and I like to do other things during the weekend, too. Like last weekend - free weekend, and I could have cleaned, but I ended up spending Saturday hanging out with my sister, and then we made dinner. And it was way more fun than spending the day cleaning. Oh wow, and let's not even start on the fact that I let that front area of my house get all full of weeds again - friends who have been here? The jungle is back. I know, I am sounding seriously whiny here, and there are plenty of solutions. Routines. Make my kids do more. Get off my ass and do it, even if I'd rather read another chapter.

One of my guilty spots. The desk was my daughter's, which she moved out of her room for the ferrets. I have a friend who wants it - I just need to get it to her. It's been there for 2 months, and as you can see, has become a catchall. The laundry has been washed, but not put away. That's my gym bag on the floor...

Reading is way more fun than cleaning. I'd rather do Jessica's stupid ab workouts than clean. Have I mentioned I hate to clean?

Goals for the next week (in addition to the exercising and eating well): Get the desk to S. Empty and repack the gym bag. Put the laundry away right after I do it. And I guess I will be breaking out the old Flylady routines...they worked well when I did them, so I'll go through them, revise what I need to revise, and start the evening routine this week.

By next Friday, that guilty spot will be gone, I swear.

Ok, so tomorrow morning I need to be up early, as I am forcing a friend to attend a very early yoga class with me, which means I cannot oversleep. So you all enjoy the heck out of your Friday night.

Day 4

Happy Friday Eve, friends. Weekend is almost here, and it can't come soon enough.

I woke up early and walked 30 minutes. I almost didn't. Oh friends, I looked at the 5:19 burning my eyes and seriously considered rolling over and going back to sleep, but my logical self spoke up, "Hey! You will only get 30 more minutes of sleep, which won't do much, but if you walk, you will have self-respect, and there is nothing better." I couldn't argue with that self.

Also, I had to pee.

I did, however, catch myself eating out of boredom today. Ugh, that is a bad habit, and an unfortunate problem. Two hour virtual meetings do not lend themselves to excitement. I had a few Werthers and a few cups of Skinny Pop before I smacked my own hand. Otherwise, not too bad - drank my shakes, ate 2 plums, and a big bowl of cucumbers and tomatoes with my chicken for dinner (a small drizzle of dressing, and 2 slices of fresh mozzarella. So good. My guy got me a box of Caramel Creme Rooibus tea - I believe I shall make a cup before bed.

I'm wicked sore - this is more movement than I've been used to in a while, so my lovely friend agreed to meet me for a very early Saturday morning yoga class, so that should help. What shall I do tomorrow?

Let's talk about the ferrets.

At the beginning of the spring, my daughter started asking to adopt a pair of ferrets. When she was feeling down, she would watch videos of ferrets, and it would make her feel better. Apparently, they make excellent emotional support animals. She did a lot of research, found a ferret rescue in Indianapolis, and applied to adopt. After a few months, virtual home visits, a lot of decluttering, and plenty of ferret-proofing, we drove up to Indianapolis so she could pick her new babies. After several weeks of playing with them, I can see why they make good emotional support animals - they are sweet, and funny, and I love them. They are a little smelly, but it stays in her room, and as long as she cleans, they're not so bad. Musky. And if you follow me on Instagram, you'll see I take a lot of pictures of them. The little female (lighter color, smaller) is named Nessa, she's very playful, and she adores Paco. He can only take so much before he starts begging to be let out - she's a nipper. When my daughter picks her up, she gives kisses. It's precious. Trixter, the little bandit male, is snuggly and sweet, and funny. He's a little chunky, and very clumsy. I've become quite enamored of our new family members, which was a happy surprise - I was not expecting to like them this much.

So that's that. I have my tea now, and I am going to go read for a bit before bed. We'll chat tomorrow, have a good night.

Day 3

3 days, still going. I didn't get to sleep for various reasons until after 10:30 last night, so I didn't wake up to exercise, so I packed a bag and hit Planet Fitness on my way home from work. I rowed - seriously, 5 minutes and I was wiped. How does something that easy looking hurt that much? Anyway, I did 15 more minutes on the treadmill, then 2 sets of body weight exercises - squats, lunges, pushups, swimmers, crunches, planks. It's crazy how not strong I'm feeling right now. I don't like it. Dude, I was dying in plank after 20 seconds. You'd better believe I will be hurting tomorrow. But I stretched well, and I did it, so there we go. I just need to keep going back. And I need to find my lock - I ended up carrying around my keys and sunglasses because I couldn't find my lock, and that was a little annoying.

Food - I drank my shakes, ate my snacks, and felt ok. Dinner was tasty - I did some meal prep on Sunday - roasted green beans, broccoli, and cauliflower, and cooked chicken breasts in verde sauce in the crockpot. 4 oz of chicken with a mess of the veggies in each container. I microwave 2 little yukon gold potatoes, and eat the whole thing with a tsp of sour cream and a little pink salt - it was really good, and I feel pretty decent. I made 4 of those, so I'm set for the week.

My brain feels a bit fried now, and my people are sitting behind me arguing about a gentleman named Messi and another gentleman named Busquets, and the whole thing is a little distracting. So I will find some fabulously inspiring meme to steal, and leave you with that.

Oh, here's a thing - so I was digging around on the internets, looking for a fun new weight loss blog to read - something inspiring, but funny, realistic, and maybe written by a woman closer to my age. Not that a 20-something lovely doesn't have anything to add, but let's face it, a woman in her 40's has some extra fun obstacles to clear on her way to weight loss. Nothing. I found nothing. Ok, I found one or two, but they were a little heavy on the Jesus, and a little light on the use of the vulgar language and off-color humor. Not exactly my style. I will continue my search, but if you know of any, please let me know.
*I am editing to add: I hopped on Pinterest for a sec and found a blog called Over 40 Fitness, like, right away. I don't know how profane they are, but the site looks promising. I'll let you know.

And in the meantime, I will try to fill the hole. I'll make that inspiring meme chock full of foul language, hold up...nope, couldn't find a good one with foul language - they were actually horribly offensive, so we'll just stick with funny, because this is me at work at lunchtime every day, "who has cheese, who is eating melted cheese in the same room as me!?"

Day 2

Hey there, ho there, friends. Day 2 is completed. I may have overdone dinner a bit (boy made naan - it was really good,) but I followed the program the rest of the day. I have mastered the proper mixture of morning shake with coffee now, and it tastes decent and gets me to 9:30am. Then I start to struggle, so if you are wanting to text me ass kicking texts, between 9:30am and 10:30am, and then again between 2:30 and 3:30 perfect times. Anyway, I woke up at 5:20 and went for a walk this morning - the entire way out was downhill, which meant the whole way back was uphill, so better planning is needed. My goal is to move my wake up time a little earlier as I go so I can start waking early enough to go to the gym in the morning. I miss the rowing machine. I did see two meteors in the sky this morning, which was very cool to a space nerd like myself. I also realized how long it has been since I exercised every time I got up from my desk today - ouch, sore.

I promised today would be a day for numbers. I went to the doctor and weighed in. For the purpose of this blog, we will call this my starting weight (I'm down 5 lbs from the beginning, but...blah blah blah, just spill it, Missy:)

284 lb 12.8 oz

A big number, and a lot of work to do, but I'm game if you all are.

Oh, and I asked the doctor about support groups, specifically for this program, since it would be nice to be able to sit down with a group of people following the same or similar programs and be able to say, "how do you make the nasty ass shake taste better? I find it tastes better with a lot of vodka..." (jk, I'm pretty sure that would be too many starches.) Anywho, the doc said they don't have one, that the only thing available at St E is Overeater's Anonymous, which is a great program, but it is another program, and I just want to talk to people about struggles and ideas and maybe meet someone to exercise. She said it was a very good idea, and they will discuss it. Do you think that is just the doctor's version of "we'll see..."?

K, non-health related, sort of - let's talk about work. I know I have some coworkers who read here, so I won't tell you all the beef. Actually, with that I really am joking, the people I work with are fantastic - that is something I don't have any complaint about. I truly enjoy seeing them at work, but I do wish I enjoyed going to work for more than just the socializing lately, since that is a rather small part of my job. I love my organization, and what we do; I'm just a bit miserable with the day in/day out crazy, starting with the hour-long ride there, dealing with managing staff remotely, the 1 1/2 hour ride home, the buggy new software creating serious hurdles to our ability to gather data, and holy hell do I hate writing reviews. My desk is removed from the rest of the office, it is about 40 degrees up there, and did I mention it takes me 1 1/2 hours to get home? And school hasn't even started. Honestly, I'm tired, and I really would like to figure out a fix for this, as I do care about what I do, and I've built a reputation as a strong employee that I'd really like to keep. I know, I'm lucky to work somewhere I respect, so I'm not really looking for advice (unless you have some, do you?), I just need to rant. Especially after dealing with traffic. I'm fairly certain there are not enough people in the Cincinnati metro area to justify the mass amount of traffic I sit in every day.

I don't have cute pets to share today, so here is a picture of our garden so far this year. The cucumbers are going crazy! Running around, getting into trouble...

This is technically my brother's garden, as he does most of the work, but I do eat a good portion of it. 

G'Night!

Day 1 -ish

I know I've said it before, but I have the best people in my life. I woke up to so many supportive messages urging me to make good choices 😊, talking about exercising with me, drinking my nasty ass shakes...It was such a happy way to start the day, so thank you so much!

I didn't have to work today (also a happy way to start the day), so I slept plenty, then woke up and laced up my shoes and went for a 30 minute walk. Which probably would have been more comfortable had I gone at 5:30am - by 9:30am, it was really hot. I can imagine I made a pretty picture, red faced and panting as I trudged up a hill, streaming sweat (yeah, it was sweat) behind me. Interesting realization after the 4th person waved at me (I know a lot of people, you'd think I was social or something) - I am not proud of my lack of fitness, but I am not an embarrassed exerciser. I know people my size who are so uncomfortable about going to the gym or the track, that they don't go. I never have been. I don't know if it's because all the blood is going to my legs, lungs and sweat glands, with not enough left to make my brain register, or I maybe kind of enjoy the exercise enough not to care, but that has certainly never been my excuse. I've had plenty other excuses, but that was not one of them.

I also took a few minutes to do the Monday exercises from the Fit Girl Guide, which were actually pretty hard, and a little intimidating, and I totally have to make some adaptations, but I did them. Next week starts their next Instagram challenge, which I fully intend to participate in, so I had to give it a try.

My manchild and I had plans for lunch at Mai Thai, so I researched healthiest options at Thai restaurants, ordered extra veggies, and measured proper portions with the measuring cup I stashed in my purse and boxed the rest. It was tasty. Totally made up for the nasty ass shake I drank for dinner. Still hungry 30 minutes ago, I had a peach, 1 vegan chai spiced snickerdoodle from Isa Chandra (so good!) and a cup of ginger tea, and I feel really good today. Tons of water, and I finished most of the rest of my to-dos for today, including schedule pick up at the high school with my daughter, which was not enjoyable, by any stretch of the imagination. Interestingly, apparently I could have sent her on her own, and you better believe I will be doing that next year.

I see the doctor at the weight management place tomorrow evening, so we'll see what she has to say. Probably not much, since I have not exactly "worked the program" most of the past 4 weeks. That's alright, I'm feeling motivated, which won't last but hopefully I'll build some habits while I'm feeling it. I do have to weigh in then. I plan to post it here, which may be more than you all want to see, but I said I want to do this completely out loud, with the hope that it will help me stick.

I did take a pic today, but I posted it on Instagram and Facebook already, and nobody wants to see it again (cool note, though, I posted a sweaty selfie 3 years ago today wearing that very same shirt, my Making Strides Against Breast cancer t-shirt, and by the by, that is coming up soon, so it's time to build your teams and raise some money for breast cancer research...plugging my organization a bit...) So I'll tell a quick non-health related story and post something downloaded from the internet that is not mine to give you something fun, possibly informative, and colorful. I hadn't seen one of my best guy friends in ages because he is a BUTTHOLE and is always too TIRED to hang out (love you), so he asked me to go see the new Tarantino movie with him yesterday. AS many of you know, I am of the Pulp Fiction generation, and I have a soft spot for Tarantino movies, so we went. First of all, if you know anything about Tarantino movies, you know they tend to be violent and rather profane, so the fact that one of the previews was for the Mr. Rogers movie made me laugh very hard. Anyway, another one of my close friends panned "Once Upon A Time in Hollywood" a bit on Facebook, and I was not expecting much, which made the fact that I enjoyed it quite a bit all that much more enjoyable! It was good - fun storyline, interesting characters, good acting - yes it was a bit long, but other than having to pee, I didn't mind. I recommend it, although I suggest you bone up a bit on the Manson Family first.

Obviously not from this movie, but Tarantino's face in this picture made me laugh.

K, gotta go to bed. I intend to wake up at 5:30AM to walk 30 minutes tomorrow. I'll check in tomorrow.
And thank you, again, for all the messages. You have no idea how much they help.

A new beginning?

Wanna hear something funny? I started this little space in March of 2007. 12 years ago, different people in the house, different furbabies :(, different places in my relationships and life. My kids were little (the girl was only 4!), I was teaching my sister to drive a stickshift, my son to write a paragraph, and occasionally babysitting. Now my kids are grown and THEY know how to drive, my sister has been married and raising a kid, I have been working for this organization for a good long time...but still same house, same husband, same health struggles...which I have tried to deal with here for all 12 of those years.

I have not pointed out the obvious - yes, I know it has been more than a year. It has been a very hard year. The primary struggle has been massive and emotional and so so so heartbreaking, and it is pretty all-encompassing. Again, it is not my story to tell; it involves the severe depression of someone I love dearly. She is strong and resilient, and she has been working through it, but it takes a lot of energy, and very little I can write about here. That said, when we are struggling, it is very difficult to focus on what seems less important - a clean house, my job, my own health.

Things got pretty bad in February, and continued to suck, and then my mom went in for open heart surgery, and all the fun that resulted from that (she is doing well), and then I took someone to the cardiologist for an appointment. That cardiologist told my friend they needed to lose weight, and to go see the St E weight loss people. And then said it wouldn't hurt me, either. Oddly, my feelings weren't hurt. I've been seeing cardiologists with my mom since I was 14 - they talk straight and don't pull any punches. Or they're assholes. Whatever. I guess if I was treating people for problems that are primarily caused by completely avoidable poor lifestyle choices who rarely take the good advice, I'd be a little caustic.

Anyway, I went to the St. E weight loss people. I figured, if someone is telling me what to do, I'll do it. Because I keep my promises to other people. I've said that here, before, many times. All those many times I've started again. Yeah, record? Meet roundhouse kick (cuz, broken record, get it? I know, if I have to explain it, it's not a good one.)

So they have me on 2 meal replacement shakes a day, and 1 meal. It is really low calorie, and I don't like the shakes. And I freaking haven't been keeping those promises.

The thing is, I really am motivated to do this! I want to go back to kickboxing, so badly, which I can't do at this weight, as it hurts my knees. And eating the way I have the past couple of years is making me so sluggish and tired and gross. I can still move and work, my numbers are not scary yet - I want to fix this before I can't anymore. I have a great Big Why (see Nerd Fitness). Obviously discipline is what's missing, and I'm hoping that by coming on here and writing about it, and maybe someone occasionally checking on it, I will do better. I need more than just passive online support and once a week talking to dietitians who just tell me I should add almond extract to my nasty-ass shake. I asked my friend Google to look for in person support groups for weight loss (I don't understand why St. E doesn't have one for people participating in this program.) I've found Weight Watchers and TOPS (I just want the support, not the program), a couple of low carb groups.

Some of my IRL friends - remember 10 or 12 years ago, I decided to start my own group, which met a few times and fell apart quickly because I had no plans? Yeah, I could use that again. What I really seem to need is someone to text me once or twice a day to say, "hey, Missy, make good freaking choices!" "You've got this!" "Meet me at the gym in 20 minutes!" "Drink your nasty-ass shake!" "You are not still hungry, step away from the refrigerator!"  Any volunteers?

So, in the meantime, I have this space. I am going to post here more. You can read it or not, but I need to focus on the health stuff (you know I will have to talk about nerdy things and cats and whatnot, but the health is foremost.) When I did that Whole 30 thing, posting here everyday helped, so maybe I will use it for accountability. If you feel like messaging me some tough love, I am open and needing it. I am happy to accept kicks in the ass and invitations to exercise - I know it comes from a place of love :)

Thanks for listening. I will be back tomorrow. Seriously, I will. In the meantime, I will give you an adorable picture to enjoy.

My guy, Paco. He is an asshole, but I adore him.