Thursday, February 9, 2012

Oh my friends. This has been a rough week. Last Friday I took the Girl to the doctor for a nasty cough - they prescribed nebulizer treatments every 4 hours. After the Friday night treatment made her feel nasty, I started having panic attacks. And I haven't stopped.
I wrote that above bit last Thursday. I emailed my regular doctor, who deals with my antidepressants and asked about breakthrough pain and higher dosages, and he responded that breakthrough pain with antidepressants can happen, and I should be ok soon. Then I made an appointment with a psychologist. Something I should have done years ago.
I'm feeling better today. The therapist and I are working on relaxation techniques and anxiety triggers. I started a workout program this morning. I've been meditating. And focusing so much on myself, that it kicks off a whole other guilt-fueled anxiety attack, but I don't know what else to do, since I really can't function when I'm freaking out. I'm a much better mother when my headspace is calm.
I suppose this is something else I'm going to have to work on. How do you manage to keep all the balls in the air and stay sane. A little less computer time, I suppose, would help.
Some things I'm thankful for this week, though?
1. The friends who have let me vent, who have hugged when needed, who have given suggestions and advice.
2. The mom and sister who have done the same things, and told me I'm not a selfish bitch when I needed to hear it most.
3. The kids who are willing to play endless games of Yahtzee and Aggravation and Rummy, just because they calm me.
4. Sleepytime tea.
5. My husband...who encouraged me to find help, who made dinner when I couldn't face it, who brought me tulips yesterday, just because. Who tells me the house is fine, and I need to do whatever I need to do if it will make me feel better. Sometimes I forget he's such a decent man - and he helps me forget, he can be a pain. But then he turns around and supports me just when I need it most.
I'm a very lucky woman.