tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-219236782332276402024-03-13T03:52:13.798-04:00Heedless Ramblings...hi_missyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08581784079472564938noreply@blogger.comBlogger528125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21923678233227640.post-47621248102606143352024-01-02T15:27:00.003-05:002024-01-02T15:27:31.852-05:00Oof<p> I hate being that person (and I'm totally that person) that comes on here, or on social media, or wherever, and says, <span style="color: red; font-size: large;"><b>"this is going to happen, I'm going to do these things and it's going to be awesome."</b></span> Because, of course I've been talking about This Time is Going to Work, about organization, about money, about WEIGHT LOSS for 20 freaking years, and then I come here and say, well, so, I didn't do what I said I was going to do, oops, but this time! For sure!</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p>And we get to January 2. And Mom is in the hospital again. And I am stressing about that, and other stuff. And I'm not getting SHIT done. I've gained 4 lbs. My house is...well, not dirtier, but certainly not cleaner. And I woke up this morning having panic attacks. Full blown, heart racing, cold sweat, nausea, can't focus on anything but putting my bra on. I haven't had a full blown panic attack in a few years, so this sucks. And my journal isn't put together, and I haven't started any fabulous routines, and today I'm just trying to do one task after another, because that is all I can focus on.</p><p>And I'm sorry I'm coming on here to once again saying, no really, I plan to make changes (I did take the Amazon app off my phone. That did happen.) Honestly I'm really thankful people keep reading when I write here, because today I'm feeling a bit like screaming into the void. </p><p>I did go to the gym. And it helped. I've been working today, completing work tasks correctly. That helps. I tracked my breakfast and lunch, and I've had a lot of water. There are some wins. But today is not a good day in Missy world. I hope to have better things to say next week.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgS8aoOHkssiDbDNjCq4V9uJcrCU-8uZ7rTXseEBHE0mGEayvUbv_kKoLDx60xozagEvAkt-Hl2KoeUEWdG7a05QDwDPY4kVR0af9cVT4D1Z0UGkXPHf-dFbzfSi4DiUqn84kFxfYouZeTvPT1BBYH7FBsd6ybSvvqKuKM7f6NJjSK6Mun6hLYuKlUXxQ/s338/anxiety2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="338" data-original-width="338" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgS8aoOHkssiDbDNjCq4V9uJcrCU-8uZ7rTXseEBHE0mGEayvUbv_kKoLDx60xozagEvAkt-Hl2KoeUEWdG7a05QDwDPY4kVR0af9cVT4D1Z0UGkXPHf-dFbzfSi4DiUqn84kFxfYouZeTvPT1BBYH7FBsd6ybSvvqKuKM7f6NJjSK6Mun6hLYuKlUXxQ/s320/anxiety2.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>I looked up "drawings of anxiety" and this is generally a lot of what I found, which is really freaking accurate. Although the drawings of Shawn Coss really captured the feelings behind various mental illnesses, including anxiety, depression, and really effectively, panic attack disorder, but looking at them makes me cry, so maybe not today.<br /><p><br /></p>hi_missyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08581784079472564938noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21923678233227640.post-43671773599112107372023-11-27T11:38:00.004-05:002023-11-27T11:38:49.260-05:002023 Oh my goodness<p>Well hey there friends! It's been a bit. A lot has happened since we last checked in. Over the last few weeks I've been listening to YouTube videos on life changes - weight loss and simplifying, mostly, and you know, none of these women who do the videos are like me. They're all young moms, mostly, trying to fit it all in while caring for kids or getting dinner on the table - I don't have any of that to deal with, but I'm perimenopausal, caring for an aging parent, working from home full time. I have hurdles, but they are not the same, and I thought maybe I should document all of this I am (planning) to do on Youtube, but that is not something I really think I'd be good at, you all know how I babble, and I've certainly never made a video before, but I am in need of a major self-improvement project and I have this space, so prepare yourself for: </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVekdG2mENf6OFuX3A04lgSCWYCe212K-_hztkIyL65f9N8y885wAv9klpkJBIllqUUtd_jyqGQtXG3QDCiCj05gRM7uXwlPR-AIJddql2qjAIZwHb3TruTRVjhvLYQ5DPKooU8700kL_AKquxvbUMC-YDIXkIpWY1qmihkFUa6Xo682BSwl3BNwLo3A/s1440/exercise.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1440" data-original-width="1440" height="317" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVekdG2mENf6OFuX3A04lgSCWYCe212K-_hztkIyL65f9N8y885wAv9klpkJBIllqUUtd_jyqGQtXG3QDCiCj05gRM7uXwlPR-AIJddql2qjAIZwHb3TruTRVjhvLYQ5DPKooU8700kL_AKquxvbUMC-YDIXkIpWY1qmihkFUa6Xo682BSwl3BNwLo3A/w320-h317/exercise.jpg" width="320" /></a><br /></div><p></p><p><span style="color: #cc0000; font-size: large;"><b>Missy's Health, Wealth, and Home Overhaul, Extreme Edition</b></span></p><p>Mindset: I want to preface all of this with I am actually in a pretty good space mentally, overall. I love my body. Considering the abuse I have subjected her to - the overeating, the childbirth, the sedentary lifestyle, she has treated me very well. We get our tests every year, and we are overall pretty freaking healthy. We hike and do crossfit, and lift lots of heavy things. She is strong and fierce and more than a little itchy, which I need to scratch...yeah, so I'm just letting you know, I'm in a good space for this.</p><p>But, I am a middle-aged woman who still needs to learn to handle her stress in a healthy way. I tend to eat it. Sometimes in the form of multiple bowls of golden grahams, other times in the form of batches of chocolate chip cookies. My stress tends to like sweets. I have mildly high blood pressure and cholesterol, and I don't love that I take meds for it. Thanks to years of severe arthritis and obesity, my knees have little cartilage and sometimes flare up, making it hard to walk. And I recently read a great quote on Pinterest (I have no idea who said it), "I'd rather be the oldest one in the gym than the youngest one in the nursing home." </p><p>I started working from home full time during the pandemic and while I love it, my brain doesn't deal well with the chaos in the house. Perimenopause is setting in, causing fuzzy-mindedness as it is, and the clutter and mess make it hard to focus. Both kids still live here, and there are 6 fuzzy family members, and everyone has a lot of stuff, including me. I've been helping my mom out more lately, and we've started actually scheduling it, which makes it easier - perhaps routines and schedules will help with my house. I'm going to incorporate some of the basics from the Flylady system I used to use. It helped when I had my daughter, and it is easy to incorporate small habits with the whole "babystep" thing she does.</p><p>Finally, I'm going to need a new car, we will need a new roof and furnace soon, and my husband and I have started traveling more. I will be working on spending less on silly things, which will help with the clutter, I'm sure. Ordering online is just too easy, and most of the stuff I order is unnecessary. This bit will probably start after the holidays.</p><p>Plan of action: incorporating new habits every week or two, working on them and letting them become habit. Have you read Atomic Habits by James Clear? Some good stuff there, although I'm having a hard time figuring ways to make my eating habits fit with his 4 principles: "Make it obvious, make it attractive, make it easy, make it satisfying." So this week we'll:</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0RXeVnRjiT0Uwi3M5L5YtHmF_65xrk-lj3k5ORTkNNksIiTRbqFpfcKrTIvRcjNArgNwVCmG1Mr6xlilwa8-W9kLQAUMMY8w159AuGjTe0njK413_x9RpFRgiPNeXEjY03Ba8RJcCLyclq47EK191Z6LBWbq4I7OOyargfKR2JOGbT8XkQcyJjmYrqA/s524/homer_simpson-1080.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="524" data-original-width="500" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0RXeVnRjiT0Uwi3M5L5YtHmF_65xrk-lj3k5ORTkNNksIiTRbqFpfcKrTIvRcjNArgNwVCmG1Mr6xlilwa8-W9kLQAUMMY8w159AuGjTe0njK413_x9RpFRgiPNeXEjY03Ba8RJcCLyclq47EK191Z6LBWbq4I7OOyargfKR2JOGbT8XkQcyJjmYrqA/w191-h200/homer_simpson-1080.gif" width="191" /></a></div><p></p><p>Health: Start intermittent fasting, using the 16:8 hour window, so fasting for 16 hours (between 7PM and 11AM) with an 8 hour eating window. For now that's where we'll stick. I started that last night at 7PM. Also moving every day, drinking the water, all that good stuff. This is pretty easy, as I've done it before.</p><p>Home: Making my bed every morning. I have never done this, since my husband and I each use a separate comforter, Scandinavian style, and it was a pain to make the bed. I started doing this goofy side by side thing, and I just like the neat lovely made bed, it makes me happy (make it attractive) so we're starting there. I'm also going to declutter a bit each day. Flylady does 27 fling boogie - I'm just going to go with 10 things for now.</p><p>I appreciate anyone who wants to read and comment and follow along and whatnot because I thrive when I have friends moving with me. See how I still write like there are thousands of you? But whoever is there and interested, let's do this.</p><br /><p></p><p><br /></p><div><br /></div><p><br /></p><p><br /></p>hi_missyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08581784079472564938noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21923678233227640.post-28235047213891843682020-05-07T22:28:00.004-04:002020-05-07T22:28:54.785-04:00Thinking mad thoughtsSo I've been thinking many thoughts today, and most of those thoughts have been angry or sad or both. I've been trying to keep things pretty positive here (the little bit I've posted, goodness, it's been a while,) and I certainly try to steer clear of controversy, for many reasons. But it appears that the stress from our current affairs is actually finally starting to get to me. Trust me, I know how lucky I am to have escaped it this long - as someone who has dealt with generalized anxiety disorder for most of my adult life, I know what it feels like to feel afraid all of the time. I'm not even feeling particularly afraid, per se, it is more anger and frustration. And today, a beautiful day I spent with my birthday boy son and mowing the lawn and petting my cats, seems to have been the worst so far. I've just been so bitter, and I had trouble focusing on work, and I've been muttering opinions while mowing the lawn and showering, and I don't think I'll be able to focus again until I write all this out. You can read it or not, but either way, I need to write about it.<br />
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I started noticing I was overbuying at the grocery store. Not hoarding toilet paper and hand sanitizer, just buying so much food - more than we really need. Some of it was to feed the insatiable snack monster who seems to have taken up residence in my stomach, and that seems to be another sign I'm internalizing the stress of the situation, but whatever, overbuying. Then I was crying at the end of Schitt's Creek, but you know what, I'm not even going to give myself a hard time for that because you know you did too. I've had normal angry reactions to normal irritating things, the white men with their guns at the State Houses, protesting the "infringements" upon their liberty while shouting spittle into each other's faces and not giving a damn that if they had a tint of melanin in their skin, they would have been thrown in jail. Or the women screeching that having to wear a mask in a store is stealing her freedom, like she has ever lived anywhere the government could "disappear" her just for spouting her loud loud opinions. And not giving a thought to the irony that a small business denying a gay couple a wedding a cake is "religious freedom", but requiring a mask for their own health is taking away her freedom.<br />
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Then there was the freaking Plandemic video. A few years ago, I knitted a scarf. This scarf ended up being 6 feet long because I had no idea how to cast off. A very resourceful friend suggested I look up how to cast off on YouTube. It was very helpful, and I ended up with a long, very holey, scarf that my cat adopted as his bed for a few years. YouTube has been great for finding fun songs, or good workouts. But I work with researchers. I have some amazingly brilliant friends who are researchers. You know what they don't do? Post their findings on YouTube. It's people like that who start measles epidemics in Suburban Seattle. So I won't watch the video, much like I never lend any credence to an MLM company who starts their sales pitch with "this is what the doctors don't want you to know!" Also, I read a hell of a lot faster than a video talks to me, so I read about it. Those of you who shared the video and are now angry at the people posting rebuttals; you should be angry. You should be f-ing furious, with Judy Mikovits. Because this person is taking advantage of your fear and your anguish over your loved ones to sell books and make money, and every share spreads that misinformation further. I guess the point is, don't trust social media of any kind for the important information. I get the draw of a good conspiracy - I am part of the generation who made Chris Carter a LOT of money by "trusting no one", but let's face it. Usually conspiracy theories are garbage. Your best friend's dad's cousin did not cure her diabetes with the Whole 30 diet.<br />
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And most importantly, Ahmaud Arbery. He doesn't belong near the end, but there's just nothing to say. I'm just so angry. Thank goodness the two assholes who murdered him were (finally) arrested. But wow. It's just so freaking sad.<br />
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Anyway. So many times the past week or so, if I had a brick handy, I would throw it through my TV. Yes, Marc would be upset. Sure, it wouldn't solve the problem. And now that screens aren't made from glass, it wouldn't even be all that satisfying. Ok, so that probably won't be happening. And there's some other stuff. I don't think I'm sleeping well. I wake up exhausted every day, my neck hurts, and I spend the day thinking about bed, so I'm guessing sleep has been interrupted. Also not helping with the focus.<br />
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So this helped. I appreciate anyone who was willing to read it. I need to go snuggle a ferret, and then go to bed. Please stay safe. I love you.<br />
<br />hi_missyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08581784079472564938noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21923678233227640.post-1249167536703536002020-04-19T21:34:00.001-04:002020-04-19T21:34:08.643-04:00100 days and why I need to work on my twerkI did not work out today.<div>
I did not work out yesterday, either. </div>
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I moved - did some cleaning, some light stretching yesterday, more cleaning and mowed the lawn today, but no workout. And the past week has been seriously lax in motivation. </div>
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I promised some friends that I would blog a recap of my 100 days, but I feel like so many of you were with me for most of it. It started fairly light - Planet Fitness workouts, walks on the treadmills. I made a short-lived effort at running intervals, but it hurt my knees, so that did not last. Promised myself I would come back to that when I dropped some weight. </div>
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Started the Kickstart program, which included the Sunday/Thursday boot camps. Also started attending Wednesday night Pound/SWT classes. The classes were the best part - Wednesday nights were like a weekly party, with lots of sweat and no hangover. I also realized when I thought I was twerking, I was actually just bending my knees a lot. This looks ridiculous, like a toddler trying to dance, and so I practice a little each day. Yeah. I practice twerking in front of a mirror. Stop freaking judging me, SWAN, I don't judge you for not even trying to twerk! </div>
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Anyway, the Thursday night boot camps were crossfit-based, and hard. Really hard. And I felt so freaking badass when I completed each one. The Sundays were more cardio based, and a little more fun, but the Thursday ones are the ones I miss. We started the "sugar detox" which led off with a nasty headache, and a lot of meat. I missed grapes. A lot. Got through almost the whole 6 weeks, and dropped some weight. I think I've eaten the whole 6 weeks of sugar this past week.</div>
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I started hitting the striking/kickboxing classes on Monday nights once the Kickstart program was over, and I missed the boot camps and started going to crossfit WODs. Something I never thought I would do. The people at the box surprised me by being so freaking accepting and motivating - pushing me to keep working and helping me to scale the workouts so I can do them. The coaches pay attention and make sure you are doing the moves correctly so you don't hurt your self. So I started doing 2 of those a week, 2 striking classes a week, my Pound/SWT 1 night, and then walking and yoga on the other 2 days. It was working really well. </div>
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Ooh, I can't skip the yoga - I did 4 weeks of private yoga lessons with this great teacher, Jamie. She pushed me, much harder than I ever push myself in yoga. I've continued to do yoga on my own, and it feels so much better when you are doing things correctly.</div>
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And then...quarantine. But between Gabby at <a href="http://www.swtfitness.com/" target="_blank">SWT Fitness</a> and now <a href="http://www.digitalswt.com/" target="_blank">www.digitalswt.com</a> and <a href="http://www.triplecrownathletic.com/" target="_blank">Triple Crown Athletic</a> and their online workouts, and some seriously decent weather, I finished out my 100 days last Saturday with a gorgeous 3 mile walk, appropriately distanced from my friend (not from her dogs, though.) It was a good accomplishment. I felt good about it. Go me!</div>
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So I hit my 100 days, which is awesome, but I haven't moved much this week, and hardly at all this weekend. "But Missy, you silly little minx, why on earth would hitting your goal be demotivating?" Well, friends, aside from the crazy, I guess it's because I need a challenge to motivate me. And I thought I'd just push for another 100 days, and I want to keep working each day for my mental health, but I think I need something new. Having to show up at my classes kept me going for sure, but working out at home is definitely a challenge, and not a happy, driving one. I want to push myself more, for sure, because I'm feeling this week of not working hard, and the past two days of being a lazy butt gorging on ice cream (I did eat an apple last night.) I'm feeling a bit more...excited to move...and yesterday I contacted the woman who ran the Thursday night boot camp that hurt so good, and asked her to put together some boot camps for me to start doing and checking in with her, and she agreed. I think that will help. I want to push myself so I can go back to crossfit and striking and be able to keep up. </div>
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I need to add food to the mix - anyone have any ideas? I know I gained weight this past week, and probably a good chunk. I'd really like to challenge myself to eat better, but I need a friend.</div>
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I am going to close out the weekend with Brooklyn 99 and ferret snuggles. Stay home, stay safe, love you.</div>
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Quick recap on those who helped me through my 100 days:</div>
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<a href="http://www.swtfitness.com/" target="_blank">SWT Fitness</a></div>
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<a href="http://www.digitalswt.com/" target="_blank">Digital SWT</a></div>
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<a href="http://www.triplecrownathletic.com/" target="_blank">Triple Crown Athletic</a></div>
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<a href="https://www.facebook.com/yogatrapezeflorence/?__tn__=%2Cd%2CP-R&eid=ARBPVvoJBBQZaZQKO-0TZLHpU187mVZrXk6ZRgcCXhESAZqp6VC_NZTRm7Kssq3rHTAzsAxN8oT_tsSM" target="_blank">Jamie at Yoga in Motion NKY</a></div>
hi_missyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08581784079472564938noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21923678233227640.post-85973981751170029762020-03-31T15:25:00.001-04:002020-03-31T15:26:08.534-04:00Posting during the pandemic, part deuxHey chickens, how are you holding up? I'm fine - lucky I still have a job (fingers crossed that continues), still healthy, my friends and family still healthy (knocking on all the wood-like materials). Bizarrely, my mental health is still good. I talked to my therapist last Thursday, and she asked how I was sleeping, and was pleasantly surprised by my "fine." C'mon guys, my anxiety doesn't tend to follow rational rules - I freak out about what might happen, not about what is actually happening.<br />
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Again, I credit exercise for most of my calm. While I'm missing my gym, I am still moving every day, and being able to work out during lunch is pretty excellent. I'm having a pile of mulch delivered tomorrow, so I'm going to go out and clean up the beds and prep them for spreading. I'm hoping that my recent activity will make spreading mulch much easier than it was a few years, and 20 lbs ago.<br />
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I don't have a ton to share today; I just wanted to check in with all of you, and let you know you're amazing and I'm thinking of all of you. And you are fantastic, just where you are. Steve Kamb from Nerd Fitness sent out a message a couple of days ago about how he's been struggling to be productive during this time, which is funny, because he works from home generally, but you know, things are a little wonky right now and all. Anyway, he quotes author Ryan Holiday:<br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #343434; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">“There are two types of time: Dead Time—where we are passive and biding, and Alive Time—where we are learning and acting and leveraging every second towards our intended future.”</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">This spoke to me today for some reason. I've been working, but really just doing the bare minimum. Exercising, but I really don't push myself as hard as I should. Remember how I ate ice cream for breakfast last week? I haven't done that since but I also haven't been watching my calorie intake at all, and I guarantee yesterday I ate enough to feed a good-sized elephant. My house is where I am all the time now, and I would like it to feel more comfortable and clean. </span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Here's where I stepped out of my comfort zone. So, the gym I go to is pretty hard core. It's crossfit, and every member I've met so far is a badass. Like, the coaches have been posting WODs and striking workouts every day, and while I have to scale most of them, the other members have been doing the workouts, and adding extra challenges, and let's run a few miles while we're at it. Oh, and they started a nutrition challenge on Sunday! I tend not to post on the member's Facebook page because it's a wee bit intimidating being the least fit, and one of the oldest, but today, I posted. I posted where I'm at, how I'm feeling, and where I want to be. I don't know if anyone read it yet, but I posted - well I posted a lot, but the meat of it is:</span></span><br />
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Workouts: at least 2 WODs (my downfall), 2 striking per week (I do other workouts the other days)</div>
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Food: Dana's produce challenge (just made a mess of asparagus, yum.)</div>
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The reps challenge: I've let things slide, and am not there, but my goal is to be able to do all 100 of each, in a row, by May 1. Also working on my jumping rope - I have bruises on my shins, but I plan to be jumping with the rest of you by the time the gym reopens.</div>
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<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">The Reps challenge consists of 100 pushups, 100 situps, and 100 air squats (just squats) a day. I'm not there. So I started today with 10 of each, plus a 30 second plank, and plan to add a few each day. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="background-color: white;">I have to go up to play with the ferrety ferrets now. Stay home, stay healthy, love you.</span></span>hi_missyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08581784079472564938noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21923678233227640.post-9175642966888310622020-03-25T22:05:00.000-04:002020-03-25T22:05:03.407-04:00Posting during the pandemic, part 1The world is crazy right now, and I hope you are all healthy, and dealing with our current situation with comfort and humor. What the hell, right? I've been working from home for the past week, and that has been interesting. The lack of commute has added to my free time, so that's been nice. And I can work in my work out clothes, so I can work out during my lunch. Also nice. I miss my sweet coworkers, though, and my printer, and my routine. And if there is one thing we anxious nutjobs require, it's routine.<br />
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So I've been trying to create a bit of a routine here. Sleeping a little later (and that has been lovely,) getting dressed (in workout clothes.) I did realize, during a conference call, that I need to wear a bra for work. They like us to use our webcams. Anyway, I make sure I get my workout each day. That is the most important part of keeping my sanity, which is necessary to the whole household, right? Exercise, endorphins, not shooting my husband...<br />
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Anywho, Finnegan has decided to sit on my arms again, making it difficult to type. Silly Finny.<br />
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Wanna hear a little something ironic? Remember last time I wrote, I mentioned I had been losing some weight, and if I got under the next big important number, I would get my hair cut and colored? I hit that number! Last Tuesday. The day Kentucky closed all the salons. Yup. Fantastic, right?<br />
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But actually it is kind of fantastic, and physically I'm feeling pretty fantastic.<br />
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I do need to work on the stress eating, though. I did, admittedly, eat ice cream for breakfast this morning. Which I do very occasionally, as ice cream and coffee is one of my favorite treats. But I won't tomorrow. I am watching my way through Arrested Development, which helps, and I ordered two cross stitch kits. I need to learn something new (I've never cross stitched before; I hear this is an easy skill to learn, and I need to do something creative.)<br />
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What are you doing to deal with the stress of our current situation? Love and light to you all. Stay healthy.hi_missyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08581784079472564938noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21923678233227640.post-56789912220441230742020-03-10T20:41:00.001-04:002020-03-10T20:41:18.369-04:00What's new pussycat?A lot is going on in the world, but today I am going to talk about me and my little world. You don't mind do you?<br />
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So this is my current situation:<br />
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Not one, but two kitties have made me their bed, so typing is difficult. We will power through, however. Finny hurt himself earlier, and so I am spoiling him rotten right now. He deserves it.<br />
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Today was day 70 of my 100 day workout streak. I did crossfit - my first real WOD. It was tough. I always said I would rather do an hour of kickboxing than a 20 minute WOD. And that is still the case, but I like to mix it up. And I started doing that boot camp, and the Thursday night boot camps were crossfit-inspired. I found that, as much as I dreaded them, I felt amazing after. She got me to do things I did not think I could do. So I am going back. I figure 2-3 crossfit classes a week, 1-2 kickboxing, 1 night of Pound/SWT, and walking/yoga for the other 2. That makes for a good mix.<br />
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Ok, Finny just jumped down, so I can type with both hands now. Last time we talked nutrition, I was just starting the 21 day sugar cleanse. I finished that, and I did hop back on the sugar train, but I will say I learned some things. I tend to get very hungry around 10/10:30, but if I make sure I have a decent amount of protein at breakfast, I can make it until lunch. I hate eggs, so today I made a smoothie with a scoop of protein powder, and that worked. It's kind of high calorie-wise, but lots of produce, including spinach. Easing up on the sugar did cause me to drop some weight, so I am making an effort to continue to limit my intake. I am also...sigh...logging my food. Yeah, I know, that will probably be the best change, but crap, I hate doing it.<br />
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I am down 20 lbs from my starting weight, which isn't much considering how much I have to lose and how long I've been going, but I fully intend to keep this off. Also, weight loss, while a desirable outcome, was not my primary goal. My primary goal is health and to keep moving (although my knees are feeling a lot better with a bit less weight.) Anyway, since it is a desirable outcome, and I am awfully close to that next milestone number (I haven't gotten below 260 in 10 years,) I promised myself a haircut and color when I hit 259. Like, for real, not me using a box, color. I've had my long-ass grey hair in a ponytail for 2 years now, and I just don't feel that way inside. I am obviously 26, people, come on! I figure I should hit that number within the next month, which means I'll have my pretty new haircut before my birthday. Yay!<br />
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What do you do to reward yourself for hitting milestones?<br />
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Finnegan is back, so I'm back to one hand. This is too slow going, so I'm going to snuggle my kitty. Have a safe and pleasant evening.hi_missyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08581784079472564938noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21923678233227640.post-13247547297390591252020-03-08T16:52:00.000-04:002020-03-08T16:52:03.727-04:00Let's make the most of this beautiful day...Let's start with the fact that today was day 68 of my workout streak. 68 out of 100, and feeling fine. I went a little easy Thursday, Friday, and Saturday this week - my allergies were acting up and I was feeling a little low. Of course, working out harder probably would have felt better, but my 6 week program is over, I don't have anyone expecting me at that gym anymore, and I find it difficult to get up the guts to go to crossfit by myself, no matter how good I feel when I'm done. I need to make some friends there, because it is a little intimidating, even though everybody has been super nice. Tomorrow I have kickboxing there, and I will definitely go and kick off a week to fit harder workouts in. If anyone is interested in trying the crossfit, the first three classes are free. Would love to get a few of you to come to Pound with me on Wednesday, too. In other words, come on guys, come work out with me!<br />
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Anyway, today I walked almost 3 miles with my friend Laura. It is so beautiful outside, and Laura is the world's best listener, which was lovely, as I had something happen this week that I have been processing. You all remember we did that Management 360 review last year, and members of my staff rated me on all sorts of things, and one of my staff (confidential) said a lot of very harsh things about me, including that I could be intimidating? And I laughed at that, as I feel I am one of the least intimidating people I've ever met? (it was one of the only things I laughed at - that review was devastating, and it took me some time to process the statements - while they are something to think about and maybe learn something, they were likely the result of a disgruntled employee, based on the comments of my other staff. However. However however. So one morning this week I made a joke about my inability to be intimidating, and everyone got rather quiet. And some of them told me that they could see why someone might see me as intimidating. That other staff who had worked there and moved on had even mentioned this.<br />
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I. Was. Blown. Away. I'm still processing this. I brought it up to some friends I am very close to, and they said that while they don't find me intimidating, they could see why someone else might. That I have a large personality, I tend to say what I mean, and I have confidence. That they love this, but that others, who maybe do not have large personalities, might find this intimidating. Which send me into a bit of a nutjob spiral, wondering, what is intimidating? Are these people actually afraid of making me angry, or do they just find my personality too large and annoying to want to be around. Goodbye confidence, right?<br />
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Let's explore this a bit. It has taken me years upon years to learn to like myself. I spent my entire 20s and most of my 30s out and out disliking myself! I had no self-esteem, and no confidence. I still don't necessarily feel confident in everything - specifically parenting, I question every freaking decision I make, and in management, which is way too close to parenting for my comfort. But I'm almost 45. I've been me for a long time, I finally have a good handle on who I am, and guys, I kind of like myself. I am a kind person, I love to laugh, especially at myself, and care - about my people, about the world, about life. I like that I know my own opinions, that I believe in equal rights for everyone, that freaking global warming is real, and exacerbated by humans, that I'd rather pay a little extra so everyone can afford their insulin...etc. And that I'm not afraid to discuss politics and religion with people.<br />
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Then I start to think about the people who definitely do like me - the people who actually invite me to be a part of not only their, but their children's and family's lives, and enjoy being around me. They are really amazing, cool, excellent people. My friend Laura, who I walked with today? She is one of the smartest people I've ever met, makes me laugh, loves animals, and never makes me feel like an idiot. She enjoys my personality. My friend S? She is a much more quiet and reserved person, but she seems to want me around. And I'm thinking, well shit. If these amazing people like me and want me around, I can't be all that intimidating. In fact, maybe I'm damn likable (and yes, I do still struggle with the whole "not everyone will always like you." Even if I don't much like someone else, I work hard to make sure they like me. That is a personality issue I have never grown out of.)<br />
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So, I think I've processed this. It is another lesson for me - that maybe I need to be a little more mindful of how I am communicating, especially at work. I don't actually want to scare anyone, and I do like to be liked. But I also, maybe, need to learn to be a little more comfortable with not always being liked. Because I have a lot of fantastic people who do actually like me, and shit people, I can't be greedy and take all the cool kids for myself!<br />
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Goodness I went on here, didn't I? I have healthy stuff to discuss, but that may have to wait a few days. Here is a picture of my food prep from today:<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Mason jar salads, daughter's lunches, smoothie kits</td></tr>
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Quick side note (maybe not all that unrelated): Have you seen "A Beautiful Day in The Neighborhood"? I'm not a big one for biopics, or serious movies, but this was truly a lovely movie. So often we discover things about people that bother us, but people like Mr. Rogers and Bob Ross? Every new thing I find out just makes them better people. It was a nice way to end a day of deep soul searching.<br />
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"I'll be back. When the day is new. And I'll have more ideas for you."hi_missyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08581784079472564938noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21923678233227640.post-37272698568190652042020-01-29T13:07:00.001-05:002020-01-29T13:07:24.141-05:00Sugar Detox Day 4, Workout Day 29Hello chickens. <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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So I told you last time that I signed up for this Restart program at the kickboxing/crossfit gym I love. The way I read it, it was a weekly nutrition class/support group and two boot camps each week. I thought it was a restart - like people get together to learn a little more about nutrition, support each other and make some healthy habits at the beginning of the year. I did not realize it was Restart™, a program incorporating "education about nutrition and digestion" with a sugar "detox" in order to "eliminate toxins" and "reduce inflammation." If I sound a little cynical, it's because I've done something very similar to this with the Whole 30, and I'm sure many of you have read about the unscientific basis for that particular program. A lot of rules about what I can and can't eat, a lot of jargon about toxins and inflammation, not much science. It was developed by a Nutritional Therapy Practitioner, which is a lot like a "health coach" in that they cannot diagnose anyone or give medical advice, and they seem to be very focused on whole foods and how they can help to bring your body into balance. The first week of the program is about preparation, then you do a three week sugar detox together, and then learning to reintegrate what makes you feel good etc. Each individual class is run by a Nutritional Therapist, who has taken classes through this program to learn how to facilitate, I guess. The woman running my particular has individualized it a bit - the original is a 5 week program, and doesn't incorporate exercise. For this program, she integrated two Inbody scans - one at the beginning, and one at the end. She increased the program to 6 weeks, and includes two trainer-led boot camps a week. I was excited about the support component, and disappointed when I arrived to find 3 tall, slender, fit people sitting there. Obviously not there for weight loss support, these people had been working out and doing crossfit, and whatnot. They're nice enough, and not judgy, but I'm still not getting that support.</div>
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Anyway, why, Missy, is your cynical ass going ahead with the program, you ask? A few reasons:</div>
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1. I already paid for it before I knew what it really was. </div>
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2. The boot camps are totally worth it. Really great workouts, and while I'm not exactly having "fun", I'm enjoying the challenge. And the trainer brings her dog sometimes, and he's a good boy!</div>
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3. I actually do eat way too much sugar, and doing this with other people helps. </div>
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4. It's only 3 weeks.</div>
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So I'm 4 days in to the detox, and the first 2 1/2 days sucked so hard - the headaches alone made me want to cry. I prepped all my food for the week on Sunday, which was a crapton of work, and I hate cooking anyway, so I'll have to adjust a bit for that so I actually feel like I have a weekend. I am eating soup every day for breakfast. If you know a good healthy soup full of protein and veggies, with no sugar added, and no soy of any kind, and no noodles or gluten...please let me know. Bonus points if it's easy. Extra extra bonus points if you make it for me. </div>
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Other than the food thing, I've been working out every day, and that feels pretty good. I promised myself a massage at the end of every 30 days, so I have to get on finding and booking one because I have SWT and Pound classes tonight, and boot camp tomorrow, and that will be 30 days in a row...woot woot! </div>
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I'll post some of the food I'm making in the upcoming days. One happy thing about this program is it's not as strict as some of the others. She says if you choose to indulge in something during the detox, do so, as long as you mindfully choose to eat that item. For instance, this Friday night, I have a Girl's Night Out at a new, and possibly very good, restaurant. If I see something on the menu that is really calling out to me, I may mindfully choose to order it. Perhaps. we'll see what they have. </div>
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Ok, so this is kind of a breakdown of what I'm doing, and I will come back this weekend and give you updates. See you soon. Wish me luck.</div>
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hi_missyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08581784079472564938noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21923678233227640.post-78604355955758926682020-01-14T18:30:00.000-05:002020-01-14T18:30:18.669-05:00Ned Flanders is not my spirit animal<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I hope you've been enjoying your week. I am 14 days into this workout every day challenge, and still going. Sunday I add a new aspect to this challenge - a "Jumpstart" program at the kickboxing gym I love. Two boot camps a week, and a nutrition support group, which I soooooo need. Apparently, part of the challenge is a sugar detox, which sounds so not glorious, but I really do need to back off the sugar a bit. Guys. I like my sugar. I do not know what this will look like, but as long as they do not force me to eat (or shudder, cook) fish every day, I can handle it. I do like scientifically based nutrition, though, so let's hope they don't start spouting a bunch of "my mama's cousin cured her diabetes with this diet" nonsense. I'm already a little nervous about the "detox" name, but I will keep an open mind. I definitely work harder when someone else tells me what to do, and this is only 6 weeks.<br />
So, like I said, this is at the kickboxing gym I love, and I really want to start going again. I also have wanted a heavy bag of my own for a few years now, but I never wanted to buy one for myself. You all know I do that Reddit gift exchange every year, and several of the years I've gotten cat gift after cat gift, but this year! Dudes! They got me my heavy bag! My brother helped me set it up in the basement, and I worked out on it this morning!<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">That is my hand, in my glove, not actually punching, but you get the idea!</td></tr>
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Only problem - last night I did jogging intervals on the treadmill, and damn, if my knees weren't killing me today. Like, my thighs and butt have been super sore the past 2 weeks, but my knees were hurting again, which is what made me quit kickboxing in the first place. So I went pretty easy today, alternating between punching and kicking and using the stationary bike, just to get moving. But I am really for sure going to have to get some weight off before I can do more high impact stuff. Last night I weighed in and it was pretty bad - I gained almost a pound this past week. I've mentioned that weight loss for its own sake is not why I'm working; I just want to be able to do the things I want to do for a long time to come. This body will never look good in a bikini again, but it will damn well be kickboxing again before my next birthday.<br />
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So...planning. Food prep. Writing it down (ugh). Smoothies. And, apparently, a sugar "detox."<br />
<br />hi_missyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08581784079472564938noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21923678233227640.post-52875057865548508702020-01-08T22:40:00.000-05:002020-01-08T22:40:15.568-05:00All the emotionsOk, it's just not going to happen every day. That's alright, but it means I need to stop numbering posts. Sooner or later they might be named "Clever Blog Post A" or something, but today I had emotions, so I will talk about those.e<br />
Argh! Finnegan is not helping!<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Wants to be all up in my business</td></tr>
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Ok, so, emotions. First, today was workout 8 of 100, and I went to a class at SWT, which is kind of hip hop, a little Latin, a lot of twerking... good fun, and I'll definitely be going back. Anyway, at the end of the class, Gabby, the instructor, always does this destress period after the cooldown, where she has us close our eyes and let go of the crap in our lives, and do some breathing, a little more stretching, and she ends with a motivational quote. Today she was telling us to picture the crap we need to let go of, and well...a friend of mine asked not too long ago if I ever cried during yoga. I can't remember a time I did, but for some reason, this segment of the class set me off. I'm sitting there starting to bawl, thinking of stupid 2019, and stupid 2018 before it, and my feelings of incompetence at work, and so on, and then I remember, she always finishes the class with a group picture, and I couldn't do that with tears running down my face, so I managed to squelch it, but damn! That was interesting.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I love this mug - I drink tea from it, and I don't cry. You can get it from <a href="http://www.emilymcdowell.com/">www.emilymcdowell.com</a><br /></td></tr>
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It really is a fun class, though, and I've never actually cried before, so don't take that as a warning.<br />
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It was also fun because one of the participants/instructors is the weight loss doctor I was seeing. I didn't like the program so much, but I loved the doctor, so much, and I really want to be her friend, so it was lovely to see her again.<br />
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Tomorrow I am off work to see my therapist, spend some time with my son, go to Costco, and visit my mom, who just had surgery (she had an internal defibrillator implanted) so I need to go check on her. Hopefully I'll also have time to sit down for a minute, but if nothing else, I don't have to drive all the way up to the office.<br />
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Ooh, speaking of my commute, I am listening to a new book, highly recommended.<br />
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I can't tell you much so far other than the writing is gorgeous, and the narrator for the female character has the most delicate, lovely voice. Which is interesting when she says the word "cock." Which she does, more than once. I'm enjoying the book so far, and I'll keep you posted; it's a long one. I've never read anything by this author before - have any of you?<br />
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Alrighty, I have to wake up to go to the gym tomorrow, so I'm going to bed. If I work out here, though, I can sleep in a bit. That may have to happen. Anyway, good night!hi_missyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08581784079472564938noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21923678233227640.post-72226827820583698152020-01-03T19:46:00.003-05:002020-01-03T19:46:56.081-05:00Day 3First and foremost, stomach is feeling better, thank you very much for the well wishes.<br />
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It is very wet here today in Cincinnati, so it was a gym day. I go to Planet Fitness, so I decided to try a new one on my way home, and visited the Oakley location. It was fine. I really kind of hate the gym this time of year, but I got there early enough to avoid the worst of the crowds. Anyway, I did 6 minutes on the rower, 32 minutes on the treadmill, and some planks. Still hoping to attend some classes with friends...hint hint...anyway, I took my obligatory selfie, which I will put on Instagram, but I'm sure people get kind of tired of my double and triple posting, so we'll find another amusing and fun fitness-related image to post here.<br />
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Now, I realize this is not a hobbit (I'm not an ignoramus, people!), but I have this need to live in a Hobbit Hole. Not really, but they just seem so freaking cozy. A few of you may remember my husband and I took our first trip alone in 17 years a few months ago. We went to Nashville, IN, which was nice, and we had a really good time, even if we did sit in a hot tub. So last night we were chatting a little about our next trip, which is apparently on me to plan (hint: it will not be in Indiana.) Did you know they have Air bnb Hobbit Holes!? There is one in Virginia! The pictures are kind of hilarious - it definitely draws a certain cosplaying clientele. And they have broom making workshops! I was quite charmed, although I have broom, and a husband with a love for robot vacuums, so I feel no need to carve my own broom.<br />
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Anyway, looking for getaway locations, within a few hours, and affordable. I would love some suggestions. Hot tub NOT required.hi_missyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08581784079472564938noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21923678233227640.post-22925918829319920382020-01-02T19:50:00.001-05:002020-01-02T19:50:31.131-05:00Day 2<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Day 2 of 100 - my stomach is bothering me today, so I took a walk from work, and then got lost, which extended the walk by a bit. I also had a green smoothie for breakfast, which may be why my stomach is hurting? I have no idea.</div>
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I've been binging Seinfeld lately. I find the humor from Seinfeld to age well.</div>
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I'm not concentrating tonight, so rather than boring you all, I'm just going to say have a good night.hi_missyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08581784079472564938noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21923678233227640.post-1104526175754582352020-01-01T21:36:00.001-05:002020-01-01T21:36:06.013-05:00New Year, New...YearHi.<br />
I wrote earlier in December, but didn't post, as it was a little dark, and I was struggling. For no real reason - weather? Holidays? I don't know. Anyway, I ended up not finishing the post, and then I went to see my therapist, which definitely helped. And then the holidays hit, which I can't really complain about, as my holidays tend to be pretty chill, what with my heathen husband, my young adult kids, and most of my family in other states. Nope, no real reason to stress, although I do, because "constant low-grade anxiety" is my middle name. Sexy, right?<br />
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So I told my therapist that I quit the St. E program. She gave me homework - workout 3 times a week, meal plan, and blog more. My goal? Not to gain weight. That was it - just not to gain. I ate my fair share of junk, but I didn't want to gain anymore weight. Then I pulled a muscle in the top of my calf (playing with my cat, little demon), and did not work out for a week, but the rest of it was not bad. My scale does not show a gain - hopefully my friend's won't either. Oh, and you'll notice the blogging thing didn't happen.<br />
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So I made some new goals, because, honestly, what's more fun for an anxious self-analyzer than drumming up a new plan for self-improvement and telling everyone about it, and then worrying about letting everyone down when I inevitably trip and fall into a bucket of ice cream and forget where the gym is?<br />
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Seriously, I am not that self-pitying. (but am I that self-involved? Because I've used hyphenated self-words several times in the last two paragraphs.) I just like making goals. Sooner or later I learn from the various mistakes. For example, I hate those nasty-ass shakes, but I enjoyed my month of green smoothies last year, so those will probably make a reappearance. I do better with fitness when I'm trying to keep a streak going, so I started a 100 day challenge today.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">From top to bottom - sweaty selfy, treadmill screen from today's workout, hot zone I cleaned up, Tricky Rick, the ferret.</td></tr>
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I will likely be posting here more just to keep the excitement going. And if any of you locals want to hit me up to come work out, please do, and I will definitely encourage back. Especially classes, I love classes. I'm going to be using my Organize Yourself Skinny e-class I bought a few years ago - the steps are manageable, and I always do better when organized. It's one of the best e-classes I've done, and I've tried a few. Check out the link in the sidebar, if you're in the market.<br />
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Something fun to share - I cannot come up with my own recipes. I've mentioned before my failures at smoothie creating - I have to use a recipe, or they come out gross. Last night I decided to try my hand at a lentil soup. I had a recipe to start with, but I had a few containers of Trader Joe's preprepped veggies (mirapoix and the 7 veggie blend) that I wanted to add, so I knew I would need some extra flavor. I started with garlic, ginger, salt, pepper, and turmeric, but there was just not enough flavor. A normal person might have just added some more of the flavors she had started with, but I thought, ooh, those chopped hatch green chiles in jar look good - let's add those. crap, that didn't work, more garlic! What is that bitter taste? Got my husband to come in and help (he has a better feel for spices), and he asks what on earth I've added? We added some soy sauce and a little apple cider vinegar. This is the lentil soup of ALL the flavors. It ended up not being terrible, but weird, and then today, after a night in the fridge, it was a little better. It will be my lunch for the next few days. If nothing else, it is pretty freaking healthy.<br />
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Moral of the story - if you're coming to dinner, make sure I'm using a recipe, or that my husband is doing the cooking.hi_missyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08581784079472564938noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21923678233227640.post-89674186764395309432019-11-19T11:37:00.001-05:002019-11-19T11:37:38.334-05:00How to put off working...by whining to your friendsYou know how motivation is fleeting, so you have to have discipline, and building habits helps with that discipline, so when the motivation inevitably fizzles out, you will have those habits to fall back on, making it easier to maintain that discipline and consistency?<br />
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Yeah, that.<br />
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I thought for sure that doing this hospital thing, where I see a dietitian weekly, meaning I'm accountable to someone, would help me be more disciplined. Obviously, it's not. This is not an exercise thing, either, since, as we all know, weight loss is so very much about the food. I have not been perfect with the exercise, don't get me wrong, but I am so much more likely to go work out for an hour than to eat well all day. I ate well on Sunday! Not terribly on Saturday. Not great the past week or two.<br />
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Here's the thing. The dietitians don't care. This is not a knock against them, they are doing their job, they ask questions like, "why do you think you do that," and "what could you be doing that would help you make better choices?" Which are perfectly fine questions, and highlight the very issue here. I am not "slipping up" or " accidentally eating large portions". I know what I'm doing, and I'm consciously eating high calorie treat type food. And I have no idea why, other than, I want to. Which makes me sound like I'm 9. Which apparently is where I am, mentally, when it comes to food. Anyway, yeah, so with this program the way it is, if I was working it, I would be down more than 30 lbs by now, but I haven't been working it at all. I don't much like the stuff, and I don't really like the people I have to see every week. Which is mean, again, they are doing their job, but they just don't seem to care, and we just don't connect. I like the doctor a lot. If I saw her every week, I'd probably do better, but that would cost a lot of money. She does do the dance fitness classes I used to take every week, maybe I should start going to those again, just so I saw her weekly, but that would feel a bit like stalking. I do want to go back to those, but the timing is pretty limited, so I'm not sure when I'll fit it in.<br />
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So many excuses. I'm not sure what my magic kick in the ass looks like. I think a support group-like atmosphere, where you get to know people, and we all care about each other's progress, but Weight Watchers was not my thing, and I guess this is a little old fashioned of me, but I need to do it in person, at least once a week. People have been texting me, and it is kind and so attentive, but I want to chat, and I am the worlds....slowest...texter.<br />
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Just a break here - I don't know how many Riverdance people we have working in the office overhead, but they walk so heavily! Makes me want to check on their footwear and see if they are all wearing steel-toed workboots. Seems a little over the top for officewear.<br />
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Anyway, that's enough whining.<br />
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Oh, except my brother and I went to the gym on Saturday, and we did some heavy lifting, including tricep work, which I apparently have not been working very hard. Sunday I was a little sore, but yesterday, starting very very early in the morning, my tris hurt so much! Like, I had to move my head to my hands to wash and brush my hair. Like, could not bend my arms toward me more than 90 degrees. Like woke up in tears at one point. It was stupid ridiculous. Obviously, I overworked them, but holy crapballs, it hurt. Last night, I took some ibuprofen before bed, and this morning I could brush my hair. Still sore, but not Leslie Knope sore.<br />
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It's getting so dark so early that I have no energy after work. So last night, I didn't get out of the office until 5, so I skipped the gym. I will have to stop doing that. Or start working out in the morning again. I might try that, but today I have one of the classes for this weight loss program (it's the first behavioral health class I've gotten to attend, and I am rather looking forward to it. Maybe they will have something interesting to say) and won't get home until almost 7, but I skipped yesterday, so I will...sigh...use the treadmill at home.<br />
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This was a pretty freaking whiny post. Whining with very little solution presentation. I guess I really just needed to vent a little. I appreciate you all being here to listen. Have a glorious day.hi_missyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08581784079472564938noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21923678233227640.post-84039515534792082472019-11-04T20:09:00.003-05:002019-11-04T20:09:45.475-05:00I ran!Good evening friends.<br />
First, I have to brag on my life - I write about struggling a bit, and all my amazing, wonderful people jump out and are like, "what do you need?" Because I'm a big lucky ducky, that's who I am.<br />
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How was your Halloween? I adore Halloween. I love the whole thing - spooky stories, scary movies, dressing up, trick or treaters of any age, and I have a bizarre love for caramel apples, which stores only seem to carry around Halloween, which is a little silly, since they have apples all year. I dressed as Bob Ross this year, which delighted the hell out of my therapist, who I saw that morning. Her primary focus is art therapy, so as soon as I pulled out the wig, she squealed "you're Bob Ross!" That alone was worth the costume. I've been Bob before, but it was by request, and who am I to turn down a costume request. Also, it was easy and didn't cost a dime. Ooh, it was wicked cold by that evening, though. My sister and I sat outside to make trick or treating easier on the kiddles (of whom there were more than I expected,) and then wimped out after an hour. Still a fun day.<br />
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Then, Saturday, was my husband and my anniversary. We've been married 23 years, and we really didn't do much - at home date, chill and Amazon Prime (Jack Ryan, excellent show, if you haven't watched it.)<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">John, please forgive me, I am objectifying you, but wow. That's not Jim Halpert. You're welcome friends.</td></tr>
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Went to the gym yesterday, and then again today, and guys. I ran today. Like, on purpose. It was not far, and it was not fast, and it was not long. There is this program <a href="https://www.nonetorun.com/" target="_blank">"None to Run"</a> , which really suits me much better than the Couch to 5K, because honestly, I am not running 1 minute at a time yet. I may be able to, but I would hate it, and this was 30 seconds, and I can certainly do 30 seconds. I did all the intervals, and I felt good doing it! I will continue this! I also had my shake and my soup, and I need to finish tracking for the day, which was not perfect, but I did drink all the water in the world.<br />
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Ok, so doing better, and I'm following along with the Organize Yourself Skinny people with my "choose your own challenge", and one of my challenges is to get back to blogging twice a week. So I'll be here more often. And also all the other things, which I will tell you about later this week, but I have to get moving, so have a good, shiny night!hi_missyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08581784079472564938noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21923678233227640.post-51432953960696261342019-10-29T14:06:00.003-04:002019-10-29T14:06:48.010-04:00I'm here...sort ofHey friends. I'm struggling. Embarrassed by my lack of commitment and focus. Using food as a crutch, and unable to excavate myself from the pit. Not really in despair, not even feeling particularly depressed. Just stressed. A little low. Weak.<br />
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A part of this, I think, is I've allowed a little extra stress to interrupt that momentum I was building. I let those healthy habits I was working on lapse. And I don't have the energy to motivate myself. And I'm embarrassed by having to come here again to say, "hey guys, I really want to tell you I'm succeeding, but I'm acting like an 11 year old around food, and haven't been to the gym since last Monday. On top of that, I can't freaking fall asleep at night, which means I'm tired come morning, which means I make poor food choices, and don't go to the gym." Yup, struggling.<br />
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But then I think, Missy! Stop that! These people are your friends, your supporters, your confidantes! They would never judge you, for crap's sake! They will say, "hey! we have your back!"<br />
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So I'm posting, even though I'm struggling, because maybe you are too. And maybe we could motivate each other.<br />
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Also because a sweet friend of mine asked me a question a few weeks ago, and I never answered it because it needed a little extra thought and attention, and it was an interesting question, and then I thought I might write about it here, because, who knows, someone else might be interested. She said "You're so open about who you are and issues you are dealing with. How do you do that?"<br />
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First of all, I was so grateful for that question. In all honesty, what she sees as "openness", I often see as self-centeredness. For crying out loud, no matter my motivation, I come on here to talk about myself. How self-centered is that, right? But, the fact is, I am not actually talking about myself because I think everyone wants to hear about me. I talk about my struggles, my issues, and the stories of my life because I want to connect with others, and maybe my own struggles will make someone else feel less alone?<br />
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That's why. But she asked how. So, I've always been talkative. Anyone who knows me knows that. And I've generally been pretty open. I think a part of that is because my parents have always been pretty open with me, and have generally allowed for my opinion. But I've not always been honest.<br />
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And gah! Now I know why I wanted to write this today. (another Tiny Buddha post) <a href="https://tinybuddha.com/blog/how-letting-go-of-the-need-to-be-special-changed-my-life/" target="_blank">How Letting Go Of the Need to be Special Changed My Life</a> I was reading this today, and to be clear, this is not exactly what the post was about. The author and I are two very different people. I have always been a pretty freaking average person. My grades were decent, but not stellar, I've never been drop-dead gorgeous, a fantastic athlete (or any type of athlete), a good artist...just, an average person. Also, I've never been a perfectionist. I've never claimed to be one, either, but I've wanted to be seen as interesting, and I always felt that I would be more interesting if I excelled at things, or did interesting things that required a great deal more perfectionism, I think. Maybe I'm just too lazy to be a perfectionist. I don't know. Anyway, so I made things up to make myself seem more interesting. Not all the time, and certainly nothing important enough to cause trouble (I never pretended to be a doctor and then refused to help save a whale, for instance,) but enough that, looking back, I am ashamed and saddened by my own stupid lies. For instance, I was in the Army Reserves from age 19-27. I did my AIT training (training for my job, which was a print journalist) at Fort Ben Harrison in Indianapolis, right before they closed the post. There was another soldier named Dan, who was in the Broadcast Journalism program, on whom I had a rabid crush. He was a perfectly nice person, who never expected anything other than a nice friend, but I was positive that if I was more interesting, he would fall head over heels. So I lied about so many stupid things, everything from the ridiculously unnatural shade of red being my natural hair color, to the fact that I had years of professional massage therapy training (I did not), to my stories about the professional stage that I never was on. Honestly, I was only 19, and he probably knew there was no way I had had time to do all of this. I couldn't seem to help myself, though.<br />
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This continued into my 20's - with other moms, especially; people I desperately wanted to connect with because I was so unbelievably lonely as a young mother. I couldn't find much in common, so I made things up. Not quite so ridiculous as in my teens, but silly, stupid fibs, or omissions - I love sushi, for instance (can't stand it), or I finished college (which I still haven't, although I do really want to.) Pathetic, I realize, but I wanted so desperately to be <b>Special</b>. Interesting enough for people to want to be my friend (except, thankfully, for my husband. I've always managed to be more or less honest with him. He would see through my lies and call bullshit, anyway 😉)<br />
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I hit my mid-30's into my 40's and I don't know what happened. I just...stopped lying. I've continued to want to connect to others, but maybe I have a strong enough circle, maybe I've just gained some perspective, and my self esteem is no longer that sucking pit of despair it was in my teens and 20's, and I realize I don't have to lie to make myself interesting. Either people find me interesting or not, and I can't really control that, and that's alright if people don't like me. I have strong, amazing, supportive people in my life, more than most people, and I am thankful for those I have.<br />
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Anyway, so there you go - I am open and honest about my struggles because lying is dumb, because they might help someone, because it definitely helps me, and because I have wonderful people in my life willing to listen.<br />
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<br />hi_missyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08581784079472564938noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21923678233227640.post-36019574938295591982019-10-15T21:14:00.000-04:002019-10-15T21:14:03.133-04:00Well, hello there!Oops, let it go more than a week. I only exercised 2 days last week. That is certainly not going to get me where I want to go, so I promised myself I would start another habit-building streak for this week. I walked with my little sister at a very lovely park Sunday. It was gorgeous. And after we crossed a foot bridge, K stepped in a hole and twisted her ankle.Because that is what my sweet sister does. (love you.) Then, after moving a bit, she was like, "ok, I'm ok" and we went on to walk a mile or so. Yesterday she went to the doctor for a "severe sprain." Apparently, without the balm of my company, she felt the pain of the sprain. Sorry K. But it really was a lovely walk, if a smelly end. Yesterday was the gym, and today was another walk, as the weather is about to take a bit of a turn.<br />
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Food-wise - eh. Ok. I'm tracking it all, but goodness it is not fun to eat less than I want. Not exactly news.<br />
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Let's talk about something more fun - books.<br />
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There are two books I revisit again and again, and I want to talk about them, because I just finished one of them for the 5th time.<br />
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We'll start with the one you all know I love. I read <u>The Handmaid's Tale</u> the summer I was 15 when visiting mi prima favorita in Columbus. She was working, I needed something to read, she handed me this, my life changed (only one of many ways she has been a most excellent influence and all around coolest nerd I know.) I then went on to read everything Margaret Atwood has ever written, and she remains my favorite author (no, I haven't read <u>The Testaments </u>yet, do not ruin it for me!) It started with the language. Nobody describes a room more robustly than Ms. Atwood. I feel every situation, every emotion. Then there was the subject matter. High school was a great time for me to read this; I was just becoming my tree-hugging, idealistic, liberal hippie self, and I was angry! And, even then, when I was going to church and still feeling a part of organized religion, I felt the truth - if there was going to be an overthrowing, an oppression of this sort, it was going to be at the hands of angry white men, using God to hold us down. I still do believe that. I am lucky that I keep joining book clubs who are willing to read this, so I have been privileged to introduce many women to Offred and her world, like my cousin introduced me. One of my most interesting conversations was after the first time I made a book club read it - it was a large group, too - and the conversation at the meeting was pretty freaking subdued. One of the women asked, "really, this is your favorite book? Ever?" I was like, "yeah, you better not hate it, it's a freaking brilliant book." She said, "yeah, but, it's really dark! You're so...cheerful." </div>
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I am cheerful. But I know realistic dystopia when it grabs me by the pu***.</div>
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Let's move on to something a little lighter.</div>
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I just finished this today - another book I've made 4 different book clubs read, because it is freaking beautiful. I bought it for my son when he was 11 - I heard Terry Gross talk about it on "Fresh Air", the premise was fascinating, and I loved Neil Gaiman. I don't think he read it right away, and neither did I, but I picked it up a few years later, and enjoyed it. Then I listened to the audiobook as read by the author, and it became one of my top 5 books of all time. The story - a young boy is raised by the ghosts of a graveyard after his family is murdered - is interesting, absolutely. But the telling is magical. The characters are deep and diverse, and the boy, Nobody Owens, is a protagonist you grow to care about. Neil Gaiman is one of the only authors I will listen to read his books, because he reads them really freaking well. His love for his characters is evident in every voice. Every time I listen to this book, I sob during the last chapter. In my car. As I drive. I'm sure my fellow commuters are fascinated. I cry because Bod's adventure is just beginning, and I am going to have to live tomorrow without these wonderful characters in my life. Because there are so many good books in the world, and I have to move on, too.<br />
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But not forever. I will listen to Bod's story again, maybe next year, maybe a few, definitely if I join another book club. And I will pick up <u>The Handmaid's Tale</u> again, probably next year. I've reread her 16 or 17 times, and I've listened to Clare Danes' reading twice. I've read <u>The Graveyard Book</u> once, but I've listened to the audio 4 times. They are worth every minute (and the money I've spent on two new copies of The Handmaid's Tale; in high school I was not a careful reader.)<br />
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My Kindle is done charging, so I am going to go back to this week's ghost story.<br />
What about you? Any books you visit again and again? Share - I am always looking for some new characters to spend time with.hi_missyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08581784079472564938noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21923678233227640.post-73128147537985993702019-10-07T21:41:00.001-04:002019-10-07T21:41:19.895-04:00I love the end of Monday.How many times do you get to say, "No, really, this time I'm serious," without losing friends and cheerleaders?<br />
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In my defense, there has been no Culvers since last Wednesday. Not all the choices have been good. I didn't work out at all Friday, Saturday, or Sunday. And last night, I indulged in a remarkable piece of Tres Leches cake that made me swoon, and I did not feel guilty about it, at all. I didn't even get a picture of it. I was too busy swooning. Two of my gorgeous girlfriends and I went to see a play based on the book<u> Alias Grace</u> by Margaret Atwood (swoon!), and we had dinner at Frida 602 in Covington. The play was outstanding, and the food was heavenly, so all in all, not a bad night. Actually, not a bad weekend. Spent a few hours with my sister on Saturday, read a lot, the weather was lovely. Just no workouts, and I ate a bit more than I should have. Tomorrow I meet with the dietitian, and she will give me my new exchanges, which should give me another tool for making better choices. Also, I totally tracked all of those extra bites, which made for an unnerving final diary in MFP, but at least I was accountable.<br />
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Today was much better - I stayed on track, and I had an awesome workout. Like felt tired but amazing afterwards. I increased my time on the rower and the treadmill, increased the incline, and increased the weight on my goblet squat. Go me!<br />
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I wanted to address something from last week that I never did get to - sometimes I listen to my audiobook, sometimes podcasts, but a really most of my best workouts are to music. But I've been listening to the same basic playlist for years now, and I need help. In the comments, on Facebook, I don't care, please, I need music help! I need a decent tempo, but the songs that get me moving hardest are the angry ones. My favorites today were:<br />
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"Sin" and "Hand That Feeds" by Nine Inch Nails<br />
"One Step Closer" by Linkin Park<br />
"Bulls on Parade" and "Killin' in the Name Of" by Rage Against the Machine<br />
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Is it possible people avoid the treadmills next to me because I get caught up and punch the air with the beat? Yes, that is very possible. My lifting music is less Rage and more Beastie Boys. But I really need some new music. Please, hit me up with the songs that make you move your ass, get funky, or want to hit things. You see how old those songs are!<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I stopped for gas last week north of Dayton and this made me snort Diet Dr. Pepper. </td></tr>
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<br />hi_missyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08581784079472564938noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21923678233227640.post-75240677632381968102019-10-03T20:25:00.001-04:002019-10-03T20:25:33.589-04:00Did some work today.Greetings and salutations, friends.<br />
Let's start with the fact that I went to the weight loss doctor. I am disappointed, but not surprised by the weigh in, and because I promised to be honest, here it is:<br />
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LW: 276 lb 12.8 oz<br />
CW: 277 lb 9.6 oz<br />
Gain: 0.8 lb<br />
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Do I feel good about this? No. But, I do feel good about the visit. First of all, after our discussion, she upped my calorie intake to 1400 cal. She did it because it will still keep me in a pretty significant deficit, and I'm always going over 1000, so why continually set me up for failure. I like it because a.1400 seems like a completely doable, yet healthy number, b.she was proud of all the extra activity, and c. I felt like I won. I didn't even know I was competing. She also told me I don't have to do the nutrition classes if I don't find them helpful (I don't. I feel I could find cauliflower recipes on the internet on my own, if I really want to.) So I will be trying the mindset classes at the end of the month, but in the meantime, I told her I would be discussing my food issues with my own therapist.<br />
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I saw my therapist this morning, and I told her I was tired about discussing how I was screwing up my kids, and wanted to address my food issues. She was fully amenable to this, probably because she is sick of my stories about how I'm screwing up my kids. I told her about how I've been consciously making poor food choices over the past two weeks, and as we discussed what was going on when I made the choices, we realized I tend to go for sweets (ice cream) when I am stressed out and feeling overwhelmed, which I have certainly been feeling this past week. Specifically about work. Like yesterday - I had to go to Perrysburg yesterday. First, it's over 3 1/2 hours away. I've already told you how I nosh when I drive. Second, it was not a pleasant meeting. I left feeling messy and sad, and rather incompetent (as a manager.) And I went for Culvers. So we discussed, why would I consciously choose to eat a large, calorie-laden meal, capped off with custard, when I'm trying to make healthier choices, and the answer seems to be that I seek out sweet comfort food when I feel overwhelmed and stressed. It's hella easier to eat a vat of chocolate custard, and enjoy that smooth, sweet, chocolaty loveliness, than to address those issues with my employees, especially when I do not feel confident in my abilities to manage those employees. <br />
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We talked about mindfulness when it comes to food (visualizing a stop sign to help me really enter the moment and explore my feelings.) Am I bored, tired, sad, stressed? Am I actually hungry, and if so, could I make a healthier choice, or at least a smaller version of the treat? We discussed building a tool box of activities that might take the place of my boredom/stress eating. It was truly helpful. None of this is particularly new, but actually sitting down and having someone ask the questions...that really helped me process this.<br />
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Today was definitely better. Seeing my therapist meant I went to work later, so I went to the gym first, and showered there. Dude, they have really decent showers there! Like the rain showerheads! I love those! I had my soup for lunch, and relatively decent-sized snacks. I am not hungry at all right now, and I will not be eating anymore tonight.<br />
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New month means I set some new goals, and we're 3 for 3 so far...<br />
1. Track the food, every day. I've gone back to My Fitness Pal - it's just easier, I feel accomplished when I tap the "Complete Diary" for the day.<br />
2. Meditate, at least 5 minutes, every day.<br />
3. Go to bed with the sink empty and area around it clean.<br />
See, addressing physical health, mental health, and my hot spots, which affects my mental health. And yeah, I know you've all seen the first two goals before - I didn't accomplish those goals, so I have to try again, duh!<br />
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Time to get the meditation in. Om...<br />
<br />hi_missyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08581784079472564938noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21923678233227640.post-59930821312478905962019-09-30T21:26:00.001-04:002019-09-30T21:27:01.440-04:00ch ch ch choices...Hello, my chickens.<br />
I'd like to say I've been busy, but in all honesty, it's more I've been making poor choices, and I was embarrassed to come on here and write. A lot of justifying stopping at Culvers (just one small chocolate custard, I only crave chocolate once a month, and I deserve it!) or stopping at Taco Bell (I'll get a small order, well, it's cheaper if I get the meal, I haven't had regular Pepsi in so long...), or getting the calorie-heavy entree at Flipdaddy's because it was book club, and I felt like it, etc. And it wouldn't have been so bad if I treated myself once or twice, but treating myself several times a day, every day? Well, that's how I got here in the first place. Ooh, or how about the fact that I planned to go to the gym 4 times last week, and only went twice, even though I packed my freaking bag, and was ready to go? And my friend who has been checking in on me every single day would text me something motivating, and I would text back something jokey or silly instead of really thinking and responding or calling out for help, because, again, I was embarrassed by my choices, and my desire to continue to make bad choices.<br />
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And I still want more of that freaking custard.<br />
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But I promised I was going to post here, good or bad, because I need it, and I'm not the only person in the world who trips up, or makes bad choices. The embarrassing part for me here is that I am consciously making the bad choices. This is not a case of ignorance or just underestimating - I know what I am doing, and I'm doing it anyway. Because it tastes good and I want it.<br />
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Which leads to today's topic, and I had no idea until this moment, because I wanted to talk about music tonight, or maybe the interview with JP Sears on the Fat Burning Man podcast I listened to at the gym tonight, which may make its way in, as it is maybe related? Anyway, let's talk immediate gratification, because along with my deeply ingrained "feast or famine" mindset, seem to be my biggest downfalls. Which would explain why (aside from last week's non gym days), starting a healthy habit is much easier for me than cutting one out. I can work out and add veggies, and I drink more than 100 oz of water a day, easily. But ask me to cut out a dessert, or stop drinking pop, and I desperately want to do it all, right now!<br />
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I looked to a few different people who were smarter than me - Nerd Fitness, Tiny Buddha, some guy named Tom - and they have a few different tips:<br />
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<li>1. Motivation is fleeting; work on building habits so it is mindless that you do the thing. The longer I make the healthy choices, the easier it becomes to continue to make them.</li>
<li>2. Focus on the Big Why. Why do I want to become healthier, hence make the healthier choices? I want my body to be able to do the things I want to do, for years to come.</li>
<li>3. I am the boss of my own journey, and my goals are flexible. I don't need the custard today, because I can have some again next week, or in a few weeks.</li>
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OK, so nothing groundbreaking, right? This was from some pretty limited reading, and I think I'd like to delve a little deeper into the "instant gratification" thing. I see my therapist this Thursday. I think I may actually deviate from my usual sobbing about my shortcomings as a parent, and maybe touch on this a bit. I'll get back to you.<br />
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That said, it kiiiiind of relates to the podcast I was listening to at the gym today (I did go, today and yesterday.) I like to listen to health/fitness related podcasts at the gym (and I could really use some suggestions, if you have any), and Fat Burning Man with Abel James has some really great interviews. I don't love everything he says, but the interviews are good. The one I listened to today was with JP Sears, you know, the Ultra-Spiritual guy from Youtube?<br />
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They're all satirical and funny, and I enjoy them, so I thought I'd see what he had to say, and he said some great things about not getting stuck thinking your ideology or beliefs are who you are. He used the example of these guys who used to do a Youtube show called "Raw Brahs" or something like that; they were raw vegans, and they had a huge following, and were super successful...until one of them starting suffering really terrible health problems, like, systems shutting down. But they really identified as "raw vegans", it was who they were. Finally, the guy started adding some meat into his diet, and his health totally bounced back. Because sometimes a way of eating works really well, until it doesn't. And he had to deal with the disappointment, and losing followers, but it's alright, you know, because he's alive. The point, of course, is growth, and how we grow as people. Abel responded by talking about how, as adults, three years can go by and we don't even notice, and just live the way we live, but remember ourselves in high school? The huge difference between ourselves as freshmen and as seniors? Some of us were like different people! Part of that is maturing, sure, but it's all growth, and why not continue to grow as people as adults, as well? Pretty deep stuff for a guy who talks about weight lifting and protein, but there you go. And it made me think about how one of my pet peeves in people is when they say something like, "I'm the type of person who..." like self-analysis as conversation. I've certainly been guilty of it, although I desperately try to avoid that phrase. Because while we may be that person right now, we should be growing and changing as people, and not being "the type of person who..." for the rest of our lives, unless it ends in "wants to live a kind and generous life" or something. Plus, it's just kind of an annoying and adolescent phrase.<br />
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Phew. That was a lot of words. I'll go scour the internet for some fun images to break up the many words. Because,guys, <b>I'm the type of person </b>who likes to add pictures to make this fun and interesting, and forgets to take them, so borrows them from others.<br />
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hi_missyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08581784079472564938noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21923678233227640.post-40924938036974381972019-09-24T21:31:00.001-04:002019-09-24T21:31:18.825-04:00Day of statisticsGood evening. How was your day? It was pretty freaking gorgeous - I had to walk a few laps around the parking lot to enjoy the weather.<br />
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Ok, enough about the weather, let's talk numbers. I see the weight loss doc for my 3 month check in next week, so this week we did weight, measurements, and body comp, as well as discussing my progress, etc. I want to preface these numbers with a few facts: a. my last few weigh ins have been first thing in the morning, and this was at 6PM, b. it was on a different scale at a different office, and c. it wasn't a regular scale, but the body comp scale. Ooh, and I'm about to settle into my shark week. These factors may play a part in my weight this week, or may not, but, yeah.<br />
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LW: 275lb<br />
CW: 276.8 lb<br />
Gain: 1.8 lb<br />
Ugh. Almost 2 lbs. Which could have really bummed me out, but we also did measurements and body comp, and she let me take home copies. Understand, they are not huge numbers, but there are some pleasant changes.<br />
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In the 3 months I've been working, I've lost 12.8 lbs. Yes, I should be losing more quickly, considering how many calories they want me consuming, but that first month I really struggled. Gods, I was hungry. Yes, I hear my excuses, but that doesn't mean they aren't valid.<br />
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In the 3 months I've been working, my BMI has gone down by 2. I realize this is not particularly informative, but my body fat percentage has dropped 1.1%, and my muscle mass has increased by 0.6%. I don't know if this is great, but I like it better than it was.<br />
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In the 3 months I've been working, I have lost a total of 11.25 inches, including 3 inches from my waist, and 4.5 from my hips. And I wasn't even sucking it in! I've also lost 1.5 inches from my neck, and my freaking rings keep spinning on my fingers, because THAT'S where I want to lose weight.<br />
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I've also increased my activity levels from almost completely sedentary to 5-6 days a week of formal exercise, increased walks around the building on purpose, and getting up more often in general. I've increased my rowing time from less than 4 minutes to 8 minutes, my average speed and time on the treadmill, and I'm strength training 3 days a week. Also, I feel a heck of a lot better. I talked to the nurse about that, after the receptionist made me feel a bit crappy for not following the program very closely - she asked if I felt successful so far, and I told her yes, I am feeling very successful. That I understand I'm not losing as quickly as most of their other patients because I allow myself treats, and I refuse to stick to 1000 calories a day and feel like crap all the time, but I'm 44, and I'm not expecting to come out of this looking great in a bikini. I just want to feel good enough to do what I want to do as I age, and I feel like I am on that path.<br />
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Thank you so much for sticking with me here - it really helps to have someone to talk to about all of this. I don't always have a ton to say, and sometimes I have so very much to say, but nothing interesting - I truly appreciate knowing someone out there will read it, and perhaps comment with a "keep going, silly twit! we've got your back!" or "stand up and back away from the snack!" You are fabulous!<br />
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<br />hi_missyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08581784079472564938noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21923678233227640.post-47205472919888353302019-09-23T21:17:00.000-04:002019-09-23T21:17:00.111-04:00Crisp, cool days of fall...?A very blessed Mabon/Autumn Equinox to you all, my friends! Fall is taking its own sweet time visiting Kentucky, so let's thank Google for this image:<br />
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Autumn is my favorite - I adore this season. My Fitbit was showing me just 500 steps short of 10,000, so I went out to walk around my neighborhood, and the stars are bright, and the air is under 90 degrees, and I had to come in and light a pumpkin candle. I need a cabin in the woods of Quebec with a fireplace, and crunching leaves, and my cats and dogs (I don't have dogs, but in my Quebec cabin I will), and my tea and books. I really read too much Louise Penny.<br />
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My weekend went by ridiculously quickly. Went to the gym with my sister and then hung out with her on Saturday, babysat a friend's kids on Sunday, and then it was Monday. Seriously, I'm pretty sure it was 3 hours long. It was a pleasant 3 hours, but 3 hours, nonetheless. Oh, I walked a few miles on Sunday, as well, and it was wicked hot, and I don't think I stopped sweating all day. And I took a shower.<br />
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Yikes. I really have very little to say today. I'm feeling a bit distracted. The smallest something shiny will grab my attention. I see the weight loss nurse tomorrow, and then the doctor next week. I do not know why I have to see the nurse first, but there we go. I'll have more to chat about tomorrow.<br />
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I did go to the gym today. Productivity happened.<br />
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We'll chat tomorrow.hi_missyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08581784079472564938noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21923678233227640.post-86762982606210378922019-09-20T15:44:00.001-04:002019-09-20T15:44:36.382-04:00Dancing days are here again...I'm going to start with news that has had me dancing more than usual today.<br />
I have been pretty freaking lucky for a "morbidly obese" chick. I have few health issues related to weight/my poor habits - sore knees, occasional breathlessness, high blood pressure. Also, my cholesterol has been high for about 10 years now, and every time I had a blood test, I would beg my doctor to let me fix it with diet, as I did not want to go on medication. This year, my doctor told me if I continued to test high this year, he was really going to push me - guess who's lipid panels shows her LDLs to be in normal range?! That's right, this girl's!<br />
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Yesterday was a weigh in day. I have made some poor choices this past week, and kind of expected a gain. I've been making some poor choices over the past few weeks. The dietitian asked what had changed that I have been making worse choices. I have not been sleeping very well, and I'm fairly certain that's a part of it, as exhaustion messes with one's hunger cues. I also have not been tracking, and as much as I hate doing it, it does help me keep a handle on my intake, if for no other reason than I'm eating more mindfully, and it wards off a binge. So we agreed that I would track my intake this week. I think I will also make more of an effort to put my phone away at least an hour before I go to bed. Maybe that is what is affecting my ability to relax at night.<br />
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Ok, so weigh in:<br />
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LW: 276 lb 1.6 oz<br />
CW: 275 lb<br />
Loss: 1 lb 1.6 oz<br />
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If I actually do a better job of adhering to the program, I should be able to get under 270 in the next 3 weeks, and that would be awesome. That is my first big mile marker - I haven't been under 270 in, I don't know, 6 years? The last time I was having constant panic attacks and couldn't eat anything - which, while effective, is not a particularly healthy, nor enjoyable, way to lose weight. Honestly, I'd rather be fat.<br />
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I read another really great article in Tiny Buddha yesterday (every time I read the title of this blog, I think of the song "Tiny Dancer" by Elton John, except that when I see the title to that song, I sing it to the tune of "Private Dancer" by Tina Turner. Yes, I know the correct tune to both songs, I can't help what my monkey brain does. Anyway, so I start singing, "so he's a tiny Buddha, Buddha for money, doodoodoodoo" because I never remember lyrics, as we all know.)<br />
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Wait. What was I talking about? Right, so it was <a href="https://tinybuddha.com/blog/what-i-did-when-i-felt-lost-and-purposeless/" target="_blank">"What I Did When I Felt Lost and Purposeless"</a> by Lizzy Dean, and it hit a chord. Some of you may remember, I spent 10 years at home with the kids, during the height of the "mommy blogger" days, and so many of those blogs talked about finding your bliss, living your passion. I've talked about it here, how hard it is to find that passion, that bliss. Let's face it, it isn't sitting the reception desk at an office, managing staff in two different offices, supporting fundraising events. I have friends who say being a mom is their bliss, their passion, and that's fantastic, but it is not mine. I love my children - they are interesting and smart and weirdly funny, but I have never felt particularly good at it, and I don't really enjoy the responsibility of it. And I will tell you, during that time especially, I felt a lot of pressure to figure out what my purpose in life was. I had a certain amount of freedom - staying home with my kids, with a husband who was able to support us - to "find myself" if you will, and, well, here we are. I failed at that particular task. I feel I know myself pretty freaking well, but I still have never found a true purpose.<br />
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I'm pretty sure I've talked about this before, more than once, maybe even recently, but in this article, Dean doesn't only present a way to live a meaningful life without "living your purpose", <b>she gives you guidelines on how to do it! </b>She suggests looking at people you most admire, determine the values they most exemplify that you feel lacking in your own character, and improve upon those.<br />
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Anchor your life in those personal values, rather than in the elusive "purpose", and you will find meaning! (I still think you should read the whole article - it was really good.) Gah! This is something I can sink my teeth into! I feel like I can determine the values that mean the most to me easily, the character traits I hope people will agree I exhibited when they are crowding around at the enormous bash that is my funeral. I have so many people I admire, so many amazing humans in my life, and I just have to narrow it down to a few values. I don't want to improve myself too much, right?<br />
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What about you? Have you found your purpose in life? Do you have a passion for anything? Is this idea as freeing to you as it is to me?<br />
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<br />hi_missyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08581784079472564938noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21923678233227640.post-57057901241582545372019-09-16T11:47:00.000-04:002019-09-16T11:54:55.340-04:00Day...uh oh, I'd better start writing something interesting......and more consistently, or you guys are going to stop reading altogether, and stop motivating me, and we can't have that happen. I also find I am not making the good food choices as often when I'm not talking about them here. Which, let's face it, you all probably don't find my eating habits all that fascinating, I know I don't, but if I talk about the fact that I am wicked tired today, and so I stopped at a gas station for what was my go-to, I have to keep myself awake, so I'm buying snacks, but I really shouldn't be eating them, so I threw half away, and am giving some of the rest away (I did actually eat/drink some of them, but that's better than all, right?) Also, not buying the snacks is a lot cheaper than buying the snacks, and after paying bills today, I am not feeling so positive. Also, I'm at work right now, which means I am not actually working, I'm writing this - hello, procrastinating what really needs to be done...Ok, so I am not living my best Monday life today. Let's talk about the weekend, and then, I swear, I will get back to work.<br />
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It was a decent weekend. I woke up relatively early both days, which was kind of silly, as I could have slept in, but I had a lot of cleaning I wanted to do. Saturday I had a to-do list as long as my arm, and I started in as soon as I woke up to Paco, my favorite little asshole kitty, biting the tops of my feet. Maybe he doesn't understand he actually bites quite hard, and is not trying to irritate me, but I think it is possible he does realize this is not a pleasant way to wake up, and doesn't care. He's an asshole, but he's my asshole. Anyway, I got a bunch done, and then went to the gym with my daughter. I love going to the gym with her - I work much harder with her than when I'm by myself, and she worked me hard. The butt exercises we did have me groaning every time I stand up, and this was 2 days ago. I knocked out all but two of my to-do list items, but I wasn't feeling great when I got home, and decided to take a few minutes to lay down and rest. It really was only a few minutes, and I read a bit. Yesterday I met a friend to walk, which we did, and it was pleasant, as always. Knocked off the rest of the to-do list, except for lawn mowing, which I skipped this weekend - it's been kind of dry, so it's not very long, and our garage door is broken, and really freaking heavy, so I'll mow next week when it's fixed. I was going to write here after dinner, but Finnegan was on my lap, and he was very comfortable, and who am I to make him get up?<br />
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I was so sad to see Ric Ocasek passed away yesterday. I loved the Cars growing up, and "Just What I Needed" remains one of my favorite songs.<br />
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Marc and I are watching "Barry." We saw an interview with Bill Hader on The Daily Show, and he made it sound interesting, and it is, as well as pretty freaking funny. Not always, but often. The premise - Marine comes back from Afghanistan and becomes a hit man. Becomes disillusioned as hit man, and decides to move to LA to become an actor (because that is where you meet good people, right?) I've never thought of Bill Hader as a "good actor", but he's really good in this, like a decent person trying to do the right thing kind of guy, even if he is a killer. We just finished the first season last night. I'm also still watching a couple of episodes of Schitt's Creek most nights - I really love that show.<br />
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Ok, so, plans for the week: it's going to be wicked hot, so I think I'll be going to the gym after work most days. Yay, September. I put up my fall owl on my desk, trying to urge the weather to cool down. It's not listening yet. Anyway, I prepped baked chicken and roasted green beans (more fall food, right?) for most dinners, and I have my morning shake and lunch soup. The dietitian suggested I add riced cauliflower to the chicken soup, so I'll give that a try. I'm low on veggies, so I need to get someone (probably my son) to go to the store to get some to add to things. I just gave my Reeses Pumpkins to one of my staff members. So those are gone.<br />
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Nobody will notice if I climb under my desk for a nap, right?<br />
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Ok, friends. I need to work. Make good choices, and have a pleasant day.hi_missyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08581784079472564938noreply@blogger.com0