Day 8

Hello. Happy Superbowl Sunday. There is some heavy duty sportsing going on right now. I am rooting for the Panthers. They seem like a nice group. I'm not actually going to watch, though, so we'll see what happens.

Today was food prep day. Here is a picture of my completely packed refrigerator:

You can see salad greens, soup, chicken salad, roasted potatoes, chili, ghee, Sunshine Sauce...and a bunch of other stuff. Also, Parmesan cheese, which I am not allowed to eat.

Today's food (that I ate):
Breakfast:  Banana (I just wasn't hungry) and coffee
Lunch: lunch was kind of spread out, which is not what I am supposed to do, but I had stuff going on. I made this wicked delicious chili for lunches this week, and I had a small dish of that. The recipe is also at Green Lite Bites - Whole30 Go-to Chili. Oh, it is good. Even my husband liked it, and said he would eat it again. I also ate some berries, and then I went to Mel's house for a Whole30 kickoff party, and we all brought something to share. I made Sunshine Sauce (from Mel Joulwan), and brought veggies to dip. The sauce is good, but it is missing something - I haven't figured it out. Maybe a little salt - coconut aminos are not as salty as soy sauce. There were also grilled shrimp, dump ranch, sauteed potatoes with sundried tomatoes, brussel sprouts cooked with prosciutto, and more. So some snacking ensued. Healthy snacking, but snacking.
Dinner: World's Easiest Crockpot Pork Roast (yum), green beans cooked with onions in ghee, roasted potatoes and carrots. That was a tasty dinner.

I am satisfied, my fridge is full, it's been a good day. I walked with a friend this morning, saw my baby sister this afternoon, talked with my son and some friends online this evening. Now it's time to spend time with my husband and daughter. Have a good night.

Day 7

Today's meals:
Breakfast - banana and a little chicken
Lunch - berries, half a Lara bar, more chicken
Dinner - potatoes with ghee and chives, strip steak

Very light on the veggies today. I need to make sure I get plenty of those tomorrow.

Workout of the day:
Circuit with Benny - good fun, very tough. I ran for the first time in awhile, and I was sucking wind pretty hard.

I led a support group called "Getting Fit with Depression." I am a Minion this session, and one of the requirements is a "Give Back" activity. After going through a mild funk in October and November, I thought it appropriate. As many of you may know, there is a ton of evidence demonstrating the benefits of exercise on mental health, and I have plenty of personal experience. Unfortunately, finding motivation to work out is tough when you're feeling normal, let alone when you want to curl up in a ball in the corner of your bedroom. A few years ago, a friend's therapist gave her advice which I try to hold onto - when your depressed brain is telling you to do one thing, do the exact opposite. So when my depressed brain tells me to hole up away from other people, to curl up in bed with the covers over my face and cry, I force myself to get up, put on clothes, and go to a class, with other people. I may even announce on Facebook that I am going, so when I get to class, 20 different people call out "Hi Missy!" It makes me feel a little better, and the exercise makes me feel a lot better. If your brain is telling you to stay in bed, get up and move your body.

Other tips:

1. Start small. Tell yourself you are taking a 5 minute walk. Chances are, you will be able to go a little longer.
2. Make it social (if that helps.) Invite a friend, spend the time walking and talking. I have two friends who are sweetly willing to listen to me talk through issues when I am panicking. It helps...
3. Figure out when your highest energy level is during the day, and plan your exercise for then. I am much more productive in the morning, so mornings work best for me. That, and I really don't have a lot of other time.
4. Be comfortable - don't dress to impress, dress to work. Dress to be comfortable.

Anyway, those were tips I shared, and hopefully someone will find them helpful. As you all know, I'm pretty vocal about my own mental illness, but I know some people like to keep their own personal business to themselves (what?) So, maybe this will help someone reading this right now. Just move.

Ok. So that was serious. Lighthearted happiness - I also got to spend some time snuggling another baby, and visiting with friends. Then I spent the rest of the day with my daughter, who is a big goofball, and makes me smile. AND, my husband made me dinner, and it was mighty delicious. So, a good day. I shall spend the rest of the evening reading. Are you reading anything good? I'm reading a very enjoyable book, but I have a feeling that (gasp!) I will not finish it by book club Monday night. This is a rarity for me - I pride myself on always reading the book. I will finish it, though, it's rather thrilling.

23 days to go, and tomorrow is meal prep day, so I will have pictures from that. So you have that to look forward to...

Day 6

I want pasta with butter and parmesan. and a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and ice cream. and cheddar popcorn. and cream in my freaking coffee.

I wasn't angry all day today, like I expected, but I am kind of sad. I really want those noodles.

Food was pretty good today - I had my soup for breakfast, the last of the chicken salad with spinach, bell pepper, and cruciferous crunch, and some of that balsamic vinaigrette for lunch. I made my first spaghetti squash tonight and ate that with a tomato meat sauce, and it was good. I had an orange around 3. Lots of water. I'm just grouchy.

A lovely thing - I am less bloated. And I've had more control over my cravings than I expected. So, go me.

I really have nothing else to say - and my grouchy brain wants my tea and book. My husband is watching the Star Trek episode where we meet Khan. I've never seen this one. I have to admit, Ricardo Matalban was quite the stud.

Day 5

Oh my gosh, you guys. I just made the most delicious soup! My friend L suggested I should make a soup to take for my breakfast. I went to one of my favorite blogs, Roni's Weigh, and then took a trip to her recipe blog, Green Lite Bites. I made Kale Potato Chicken soup, although I tweaked it a wee bit - I don't keep kale on hand, so I used spinach. I asked my husband to pick up spinach over the weekend. Do you have any idea how much spinach is in 2 1/2 pounds of spinach? Well, it's 2 1/2 pounds, but it's a freaking huge bag. Anyway, I had roasted sweet potatoes and cooked potatoes and cooked chicken leftover...plus the homemade bone broth...oh, it's so good. I'm so excited for breakfast tomorrow. Even my Girl likes it.

And today was yummy, too! I had chicken and sweet potato for breakfast, leftover fajita and cauliflower rice for lunch, and this very colorful salad:

with spinach, cruciferous crunch, bell pepper, onion, and Tessemae's Balsamic vinaigrette, which was actually very tasty, for dinner, with a hamburger.

This morning I woke up - no headache, no nausea! Tired. So so tired. Luckily, I had a friend meeting me at boot camp, so I went, and I'm glad I did.

In other news, I finished my manager assessments today, so huzzah for that. Ooh, I've been meaning to share this here for months, and I keep forgetting - you know how I often lament the fact that I do not have a passion; I don't know my purpose. I read an article, http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-21637/18-signs-youre-exactly-where-you-should-be-in-life-even-if-it-doesnt-feel-like.html (a few months ago), and one thing really grabbed my attention:

"You’ve let go of trying to find your purpose and instead live each day on purpose."

Good stuff, that. I'm not convinced I'm exactly where I should be at this point, but this statement makes me think maybe it doesn't exactly matter - I can make this work. 

Day 4

This morning I woke, still feeling nauseous, but the headache has eased. So that's fantastic. I made a decision this morning as I stared at my bowl of admittedly well-prepared eggs with greens and sweet potatoes. I really don't like eggs. I made it through 1/2 that bowl before I felt sick. I am not going to keep forcing myself to eat crap I hate for this program. If that means I eat chicken for breakfast, I eat chicken for breakfast. 

I did not snack all day - 2:00 rolled around and I reached for my nuts (and yes, I had trouble typing that with a straight face.) I put them back. And then around 3:00, I passed them up again. Yay, mindful eating!

Tonight's dinner was the best I've had thus far. I made cauliflower rice the other day, which was not so tasty, but tonight I had fajita chicken and veggies over the cauliflower rice with some salsa (hooray for Kroger salsa being compliant!) and it was really good. Oh, I miss my sour cream, friends. But I shall be strong.

I looked forward to these apples sprinkled with cinnamon all day. They are so yummy. Why did I never think to do this before?

I am not loving the coconut cream in the coffee. I think I shall be trying coconut milk or almond milk. I really quite hate the black coffee. Coffee is a ritual for me, and one I really love. I may have to switch to tea until the 30 days are up. 26 to go...

Day 3

Holy hangover, Batman! I woke up feeling shaky and nauseous, and two minutes into my workout I was pouring sweat. Like cold, nasty, I'm going to yarf, sweat. A friend met me for boot camp this morning, and I felt like a big baby with all my whining (and excessive sweating.)The idea of eating eggs made me sick, so I went very easy with a little chicken and a banana, and then a cup of warm bone broth (that I made myself, thank you.) I felt less shaky after that.

I never thought to take pictures of food today (I did later when I got to snuggle one of the precious newborns in my life after work, which was the "sweetest sugar of all," according to my friend L.) Lunch was the same as yesterday - the chicken salad with the spinach and bell peppers, and that chicken salad is mighty tasty. I don't care for the Whole 30 mayo on its own, but mixed with other stuff works. Dinner was on the run, as I was visiting babies, so it was the rest of the chicken and leftover broccoli from last night. I ate while driving, which is not so good, but it was either that or not eat at all, and then I had some olives when I got home. Now I have tea, and it is lovely. I ate some of the apple rings and almonds and cashews today, but I wasn't as hungry. Probably because I started the day feeling like I had taken down a fifth of vodka?

I've had a few people ask about the snacking thing - is snacking not allowed?
The answer - it is recommended that you eat 3 meals per day and limit snacking, but it is not a rule (they are very definite about the difference between the rules and recommendations.) The reasoning they state in It Starts With Food is that the fasting period between meals keeps your hormones in a healthy rhythm, and it helps promote mindful eating. I am a binger, and this is the #1 reason I am giving this program a try. I tend to binge on snacks, so focusing on eating mindfully is extremely important if I am going to get anything out of this. Today at 2:00PM, I found myself reaching for my baggie of nuts, and desperately wanting the chocolate I asked my coworker to hide in her office. I made myself stop and figure out what the issue was - I wasn't really hungry. I am just used to snacking in the afternoon. Snacking ALL afternoon. That is a habit I need to break.
That said, I also need to figure out what size these meals need to be so I am not whimpering with hunger 2 hours later.

When I got home tonight, I put chicken in to marinate for tomorrow night's fajitas, and I am really looking forward to those.

Welp, I've got a book to read, and I may fall asleep right here, so I'm off. We'll chat tomorrow...

Day 2

Only 28 to go. I thought of food all day, and I have a headache. But I really can't complain yet, it's only 2 days.

This was breakfast - Trader Joe's Cruciferous Crunch sauteed in ghee, roasted sweet potatoes, and two fried eggs, with a few olives. It was good. I drank my coffee with coconut cream and a bit of cinnamon, and it wasn't bad. I had chicken salad I made with the Whole 30 mayo, spinach, bell pepper, and an orange for lunch. That was also good. Then a piece of pot roast with broccoli and roasted potatoes for dinner. I couldn't eat the sauce with the pot roast, and it was a bit dry, so I used Tessamae's barbecue sauce, which is meh. Date paste is a bit of an acquired taste, apparently.

Here's the kicker - I was starving between the meals. Like, my stomach was growling, starving. Which makes no sense, as the meals seemed fairly large, but I was so hungry. It's hard to determine if I just can't judge an appropriate meal size, or I really do need to eat more. I did end up eating a handful of almonds and cashews in the afternoon, and I had an apple after dinner with my tea. Which, I think, is not the point. Argh. Ok, but I can do this.

What works well is that this is the week I do manager assessments for my staff, and I do have a tendency to be too nice in these things, so maybe this is the perfect time to be depriving myself?

You all remember Dutch, right? Our pretty little pumpkin girl that joined our family in August?

She's on the top bunk.

Well she is not as snuggly as I like - during the day. But around 3AM, she jumps up on my bed, and purrs, and rubs against my face and meows her little peepy meow in my ear, and she does not want me to go back to sleep. This happens about 3 times a week. Sometimes more. And I try to explain to her that I need to sleep, and she just doesn't understand. She thinks, well that's silly, why don't you just take many naps? Wouldn't that be lovely?