ch ch ch choices...

Hello, my chickens.
I'd like to say I've been busy, but in all honesty, it's more I've been making poor choices, and I was embarrassed to come on here and write. A lot of justifying stopping at Culvers (just one small chocolate custard, I only crave chocolate once a month, and I deserve it!) or stopping at Taco Bell (I'll get a small order, well, it's cheaper if I get the meal, I haven't had regular Pepsi in so long...), or getting the calorie-heavy entree at Flipdaddy's because it was book club, and I felt like it, etc. And it wouldn't have been so bad if I treated myself once or twice, but treating myself several times a day, every day? Well, that's how I got here in the first place. Ooh, or how about the fact that I planned to go to the gym 4 times last week, and only went twice, even though I packed my freaking bag, and was ready to go? And my friend who has been checking in on me every single day would text me something motivating, and I would text back something jokey or silly instead of really thinking and responding or calling out for help, because, again, I was embarrassed by my choices, and my desire to continue to make bad choices.

And I still want more of that freaking custard.

But I promised I was going to post here, good or bad, because I need it, and I'm not the only person in the world who trips up, or makes bad choices. The embarrassing part for me here is that I am consciously making the bad choices. This is not a case of ignorance or just underestimating - I know what I am doing, and I'm doing it anyway. Because it tastes good and I want it.

Which leads to today's topic, and I had no idea until this moment, because I wanted to talk about music tonight, or maybe the interview with JP Sears on the Fat Burning Man podcast I listened to at the gym tonight, which may make its way in, as it is maybe related? Anyway, let's talk immediate gratification, because along with my deeply ingrained "feast or famine" mindset, seem to be my biggest downfalls. Which would explain why (aside from last week's non gym days), starting a healthy habit is much easier for me than cutting one out. I can work out and add veggies, and I drink more than 100 oz of water a day, easily. But ask me to cut out a dessert, or stop drinking pop, and I desperately want to do it all, right now!

I looked to a few different people who were smarter than me - Nerd Fitness, Tiny Buddha, some guy named Tom - and they have a few different tips:

1. 1. Motivation is fleeting; work on building habits so it is mindless that you do the thing. The longer I make the healthy choices, the easier it becomes to continue to make them.
2. 2. Focus on the Big Why. Why do I want to become healthier, hence make the healthier choices? I want my body to be able to do the things I want to do, for years to come.
3. 3. I am the boss of my own journey, and my goals are flexible. I don't need the custard today, because I can have some again next week, or in a few weeks.

OK, so nothing groundbreaking, right? This was from some pretty limited reading, and I think I'd like to delve a little deeper into the "instant gratification" thing. I see my therapist this Thursday. I think I may actually deviate from my usual sobbing about my shortcomings as a parent, and maybe touch on this a bit. I'll get back to you.

That said, it kiiiiind of relates to the podcast I was listening to at the gym today (I did go, today and yesterday.) I like to listen to health/fitness related podcasts at the gym (and I could really use some suggestions, if you have any), and Fat Burning Man with Abel James has some really great interviews. I don't love everything he says, but the interviews are good. The one I listened to today was with JP Sears, you know, the Ultra-Spiritual guy from Youtube?

They're all satirical and funny, and I enjoy them, so I thought I'd see what he had to say, and he said some great things about not getting stuck thinking your ideology or beliefs are who you are. He used the example of these guys who used to do a Youtube show called "Raw Brahs" or something like that; they were raw vegans, and they had a huge following, and were super successful...until one of them starting suffering really terrible health problems, like, systems shutting down. But they really identified as "raw vegans", it was who they were. Finally, the guy started adding some meat into his diet, and his health totally bounced back. Because sometimes a way of eating works really well, until it doesn't. And he had to deal with the disappointment, and losing followers, but it's alright, you know, because he's alive. The point, of course, is growth, and how we grow as people. Abel responded by talking about how, as adults, three years can go by and we don't even notice, and just live the way we live, but remember ourselves in high school? The huge difference between ourselves as freshmen and as seniors? Some of us were like different people! Part of that is maturing, sure, but it's all growth, and why not continue to grow as people as adults, as well? Pretty deep stuff for a guy who talks about weight lifting and protein, but there you go. And it made me think about how one of my pet peeves in people is when they say something like, "I'm the type of person who..." like self-analysis as conversation. I've certainly been guilty of it, although I desperately try to avoid that phrase. Because while we may be that person right now, we should be growing and changing as people, and not being "the type of person who..." for the rest of our lives, unless it ends in "wants to live a kind and generous life" or something. Plus, it's just kind of an annoying and adolescent phrase.

Phew. That was a lot of words. I'll go scour the internet for some fun images to break up the many words. Because,guys, I'm the type of person who likes to add pictures to make this fun and interesting, and forgets to take them, so borrows them from others.