Thinking mad thoughts

So I've been thinking many thoughts today, and most of those thoughts have been angry or sad or both. I've been trying to keep things pretty positive here (the little bit I've posted, goodness, it's been a while,) and I certainly try to steer clear of controversy, for many reasons. But it appears that the stress from our current affairs is actually finally starting to get to me. Trust me, I know how lucky I am to have escaped it this long - as someone who has dealt with generalized anxiety disorder for most of my adult life, I know what it feels like to feel afraid all of the time. I'm not even feeling particularly afraid, per se, it is more anger and frustration. And today, a beautiful day I spent with my birthday boy son and mowing the lawn and petting my cats, seems to have been the worst so far. I've just been so bitter, and I had trouble focusing on work, and I've been muttering opinions while mowing the lawn and showering, and I don't think I'll be able to focus again until I write all this out. You can read it or not, but either way, I need to write about it.

I started noticing I was overbuying at the grocery store. Not hoarding toilet  paper and hand sanitizer, just buying so much food - more than we really need. Some of it was to feed the insatiable snack monster who seems to have taken up residence in my stomach, and that seems to be another sign I'm internalizing the stress of the situation, but whatever, overbuying. Then I was crying at the end of Schitt's Creek, but you know what, I'm not even going to give myself a hard time for that because you know you did too. I've had normal angry reactions to normal irritating things, the white men with their guns at the State Houses, protesting the "infringements" upon their liberty while shouting spittle into each other's faces and not giving a damn that if they had a tint of melanin in their skin, they would have been thrown in jail. Or the women screeching that having to wear a mask in a store is stealing her freedom, like she has ever lived anywhere the government could "disappear" her just for spouting her  loud loud opinions. And not giving a thought to the irony that a small business denying a gay couple a wedding a cake is "religious freedom", but requiring a mask for their own health is taking away her freedom.

This is my mad face.

Then there was the freaking Plandemic video. A few years ago, I knitted a scarf. This scarf ended up being 6 feet long because I had no idea how to cast off. A very resourceful friend suggested I look up how to cast off on YouTube. It was very helpful, and I ended up with a long, very holey, scarf that my cat adopted as his bed for a few years. YouTube has been great for finding fun songs, or good workouts. But I work with researchers. I have some amazingly brilliant friends who are researchers. You know what they don't do? Post their findings on YouTube. It's people like that who start measles epidemics in Suburban Seattle. So I won't watch the video, much like I never lend any credence to an MLM company who starts their sales pitch with "this is what the doctors don't want you to know!" Also, I read a hell of a lot faster than a video talks to me, so I read about it. Those of you who shared the video and are now angry at the people posting rebuttals; you should be angry. You should be f-ing furious, with Judy Mikovits. Because this person is taking advantage of your fear and your anguish over your loved ones to sell books and make money, and every share spreads that misinformation further. I guess the point is, don't trust social media of any kind for the important information. I get the draw of a good conspiracy - I am part of the generation who made Chris Carter a LOT of money by "trusting no one", but let's face it. Usually conspiracy theories are garbage. Your best friend's dad's cousin did not cure her diabetes with the Whole 30 diet.

And most importantly, Ahmaud Arbery. He doesn't belong near the end, but there's just nothing to say. I'm just so angry. Thank goodness the two assholes who murdered him were (finally) arrested. But wow. It's just so freaking sad.

Anyway. So many times the past week or so, if I had a brick handy, I would throw it through my TV. Yes, Marc would be upset. Sure, it wouldn't solve the problem. And now that screens aren't made from glass, it wouldn't even be all that satisfying. Ok, so that probably won't be happening. And there's some other stuff. I don't think I'm sleeping well. I wake up exhausted every day, my neck hurts, and I spend the day thinking about bed, so I'm guessing sleep has been interrupted. Also not helping with the focus.

So this helped. I appreciate anyone who was willing to read it. I need to go snuggle a ferret, and then go to bed. Please stay safe. I love you.

100 days and why I need to work on my twerk

I did not work out today.

I did not work out yesterday, either. 

I moved - did some cleaning, some light stretching yesterday, more cleaning and mowed the lawn today, but no workout. And the past week has been seriously lax in motivation. 

I promised some friends that I would blog a recap of my 100 days, but I feel like so many of you were with me for most of it. It started fairly light - Planet Fitness workouts, walks on the treadmills. I made a short-lived effort at running intervals, but it hurt my knees, so that did not last. Promised myself I would come back to that when I dropped some weight. 

Started the Kickstart program, which included the Sunday/Thursday boot camps. Also started attending Wednesday night Pound/SWT classes. The classes were the best part - Wednesday nights were like a weekly party, with lots of sweat and no hangover. I also realized when I thought I was twerking, I was actually just bending my knees a lot. This looks ridiculous, like a toddler trying to dance, and so I practice a little each day. Yeah. I practice twerking in front of a mirror. Stop freaking judging me, SWAN, I don't judge you for not even trying to twerk! 

Anyway, the Thursday night boot camps were crossfit-based, and hard. Really hard. And I felt so freaking badass when I completed each one. The Sundays were more cardio based, and a little more fun, but the Thursday ones are the ones I miss. We started the "sugar detox" which led off with a nasty headache, and a lot of meat. I missed grapes. A lot. Got through almost the whole 6 weeks, and dropped some weight. I think I've eaten the whole 6 weeks of sugar this past week.

I started hitting the striking/kickboxing classes on Monday nights once the Kickstart program was over, and I missed the boot camps and started going to crossfit WODs. Something I never thought I would do. The people at the box surprised me by being so freaking accepting and motivating - pushing me to keep working and helping me to scale the workouts so I can do them. The coaches pay attention and make sure you are doing the moves correctly so you don't hurt your self. So I started doing 2 of those a week, 2 striking classes a week, my Pound/SWT 1 night, and then walking and yoga on the other 2 days. It was working really well. 

Ooh, I can't skip the yoga - I did 4 weeks of private yoga lessons with this great teacher, Jamie. She pushed me, much harder than I ever push myself in yoga. I've continued to do yoga on my own, and it feels so much better when you are doing things correctly.

And then...quarantine. But between Gabby at SWT Fitness and now www.digitalswt.com and Triple Crown Athletic and their online workouts, and some seriously decent weather, I finished out my 100 days last Saturday with a gorgeous 3 mile walk, appropriately distanced from my friend (not from her dogs, though.) It was a good accomplishment. I felt good about it. Go me!

So I hit my 100 days, which is awesome, but I haven't moved much this week, and hardly at all this weekend.  "But Missy, you silly little minx, why on earth would hitting your goal be demotivating?" Well, friends, aside from the crazy, I guess it's because I need a challenge to motivate me. And I thought I'd just push for another 100 days, and I want to keep working each day for my mental health, but I think I need something new. Having to show up at my classes kept me going for sure, but working out at home is definitely a challenge, and not a happy, driving one. I want to push myself more, for sure, because I'm feeling this week of not working hard, and the past two days of being a lazy butt gorging on ice cream (I did eat an apple last night.) I'm feeling a bit more...excited to move...and yesterday I contacted the woman who ran the Thursday night boot camp that hurt so good, and asked her to put together some boot camps for me to start doing and checking in with her, and she agreed. I think that will help. I want to push myself so I can go back to crossfit and striking and be able to keep up. 

I need to add food to the mix - anyone have any ideas? I know I gained weight this past week, and probably a good chunk. I'd really like to challenge myself to eat better, but I need a friend.

I am going to close out the weekend with Brooklyn 99 and ferret snuggles. Stay home, stay safe, love you.

Quick recap on those who helped me through my 100 days:

SWT Fitness

Digital SWT

Triple Crown Athletic

Jamie at Yoga in Motion NKY

Posting during the pandemic, part deux

Hey chickens, how are you holding up? I'm fine - lucky I still have a job (fingers crossed that continues), still healthy, my friends and family still healthy (knocking on all the wood-like materials). Bizarrely, my mental health is still good. I talked to my therapist last Thursday, and she asked how I was sleeping, and was pleasantly surprised by my "fine." C'mon guys, my anxiety doesn't tend to follow rational rules - I freak out about what might happen, not about what is actually happening.

Again, I credit exercise for most of my calm. While I'm missing my gym, I am still moving every day, and being able to work out during lunch is pretty excellent. I'm having a pile of mulch delivered tomorrow, so I'm going to go out and clean up the beds and prep them for spreading. I'm hoping that my recent activity will make spreading mulch much easier than it was a few years, and 20 lbs ago.

I don't have a ton to share today; I just wanted to check in with all of you, and let you know you're amazing and I'm thinking of all of you. And you are fantastic, just where you are. Steve Kamb from Nerd Fitness sent out a message a couple of days ago about how he's been struggling to be productive during this time, which is funny, because he works from home generally, but you know, things are a little wonky right now and all. Anyway, he quotes author Ryan Holiday:
 “There are two types of time: Dead Time—where we are passive and biding, and Alive Time—where we are learning and acting and leveraging every second towards our intended future.”

This spoke to me today for some reason. I've been working, but really just doing the bare minimum. Exercising, but I really don't push myself as hard as I should. Remember how I ate ice cream for breakfast last week? I haven't done that since but I also haven't been watching my calorie intake at all, and I guarantee yesterday I ate enough to feed a good-sized elephant. My house is where I am all the time now, and I would like it to feel more comfortable and clean. 

Here's where I stepped out of my comfort zone. So, the gym I go to is pretty hard core. It's crossfit, and every member I've met so far is a badass. Like, the coaches have been posting WODs and striking workouts every day, and while I have to scale most of them, the other members have been doing the workouts, and adding extra challenges, and let's run a few miles while we're at it. Oh, and they started a nutrition challenge on Sunday! I tend not to post on the member's Facebook page because it's a wee bit intimidating being the least fit, and one of the oldest, but today, I posted. I posted where I'm at, how I'm feeling, and where I want to be. I don't know if anyone read it yet, but I posted - well I posted a lot, but the meat of it is:

Workouts: at least 2 WODs (my downfall), 2 striking per week (I do other workouts the other days)

Food: Dana's produce challenge (just made a mess of asparagus, yum.)

The reps challenge: I've let things slide, and am not there, but my goal is to be able to do all 100 of each, in a row, by May 1. Also working on my jumping rope - I have bruises on my shins, but I plan to be jumping with the rest of you by the time the gym reopens.

The Reps challenge consists of 100 pushups, 100 situps, and 100 air squats (just squats) a day. I'm not there. So I started today with 10 of each, plus a 30 second plank, and plan to add a few each day. 

I have to go up to play with the ferrety ferrets now. Stay home, stay healthy, love you.

Posting during the pandemic, part 1

The world is crazy right now, and I hope you are all healthy, and dealing with our current situation with comfort and humor. What the hell, right? I've been working from home for the past week, and that has been interesting. The lack of commute has added to my free time, so that's been nice. And I can work in my work out clothes, so I can work out during my lunch. Also nice. I miss my sweet coworkers, though, and my printer, and my routine. And if there is one thing we anxious nutjobs require, it's routine.

So I've been trying to create a bit of a routine here. Sleeping a little later (and that has been lovely,) getting dressed (in workout clothes.) I did realize, during a conference call, that I need to wear a bra for work. They like us to use our webcams. Anyway, I make sure I get my workout each day. That is the most important part of keeping my sanity, which is necessary to the whole household, right? Exercise, endorphins, not shooting my husband...

Anywho, Finnegan has decided to sit on my arms again, making it difficult to type. Silly Finny.

Wanna hear a little something ironic? Remember last time I wrote, I mentioned I had been losing some weight, and if I got under the next big important number, I would get my hair cut and colored? I hit that number! Last Tuesday. The day Kentucky closed all the salons. Yup. Fantastic, right?

But actually it is kind of fantastic, and physically I'm feeling pretty fantastic.

I do need to work on the stress eating, though. I did, admittedly, eat ice cream for breakfast this morning. Which I do very occasionally, as ice cream and coffee is one of my favorite treats. But I won't tomorrow. I am watching my way through Arrested Development, which helps, and I ordered two cross stitch kits. I need to learn something new (I've never cross stitched before; I hear this is an easy skill to learn, and I need to do something creative.)

What are you doing to deal with the stress of our current situation? Love and light to you all. Stay healthy.

What's new pussycat?

A lot is going on in the world, but today I am going to talk about me and my little world. You don't mind do you?

So this is my current situation:

Not one, but two kitties have made me their bed, so typing is difficult. We will power through, however. Finny hurt himself earlier, and so I am spoiling him rotten right now. He deserves it.

Today was day 70 of my 100 day workout streak. I did crossfit - my first real WOD. It was tough. I always said I would rather do an hour of kickboxing than a 20 minute WOD. And that is still the case, but I like to mix it up. And I started doing that boot camp, and the Thursday night boot camps were crossfit-inspired. I found that, as much as I dreaded them, I felt amazing after. She got me to do things I did not think I could do. So I am going back. I figure 2-3 crossfit classes a week, 1-2 kickboxing, 1 night of Pound/SWT, and walking/yoga for the other 2. That makes for a good mix.

Ok, Finny just jumped down, so I can type with both hands now. Last time we talked nutrition, I was just starting the 21 day sugar cleanse. I finished that, and I did hop back on the sugar train, but I will say I learned some things. I tend to get very hungry around 10/10:30, but if I make sure I have a decent amount of protein at breakfast, I can make it until lunch. I hate eggs, so today I made a smoothie with a scoop of protein powder, and that worked. It's kind of high calorie-wise, but lots of produce, including spinach. Easing up on the sugar did cause me to drop some weight, so I am making an effort to continue to limit my intake. I am also...sigh...logging my food. Yeah, I know, that will probably be the best change, but crap, I hate doing it.

I am down 20 lbs from my starting weight, which isn't much considering how much I have to lose and how long I've been going, but I fully intend to keep this off. Also, weight loss, while a desirable outcome, was not my primary goal. My primary goal is health and to keep moving (although my knees are feeling a lot better with a bit less weight.) Anyway, since it is a desirable outcome, and I am awfully close to that next milestone number (I haven't gotten below 260 in 10 years,) I promised myself a haircut and color when I hit 259. Like, for real, not me using a box, color. I've had my long-ass grey hair in a ponytail for 2 years now, and I just don't feel that way inside. I am obviously 26, people, come on! I figure I should hit that number within the next month, which means I'll have my pretty new haircut before my birthday. Yay!

What do you do to reward yourself for hitting milestones?

Finnegan is back, so I'm back to one hand. This is too slow going, so I'm going to snuggle my kitty. Have a safe and pleasant evening.

Let's make the most of this beautiful day...

Let's start with the fact that today was day 68 of my workout streak. 68 out of 100, and feeling fine. I went a little easy Thursday, Friday, and Saturday this week - my allergies were acting up and I was feeling a little low. Of course, working out harder probably would have felt better, but my 6 week program is over, I don't have anyone expecting me at that gym anymore, and I find it difficult to get up the guts to go to crossfit by myself, no matter how good I feel when I'm done. I need to make some friends there, because it is a little intimidating, even though everybody has been super nice. Tomorrow I have kickboxing there, and I will definitely go and kick off a week to fit harder workouts in. If anyone is interested in trying the crossfit, the first three classes are free. Would love to get a few of you to come to Pound with me on Wednesday, too. In other words, come on guys, come work out with me!

Anyway, today I walked almost 3 miles with my friend Laura. It is so beautiful outside, and Laura is the world's best listener, which was lovely, as I had something happen this week that I have been processing. You all remember we did that Management 360 review last year, and members of my staff rated me on all sorts of things, and one of my staff (confidential) said a lot of very harsh things about me, including that I could be intimidating? And I laughed at that, as I feel I am one of the least intimidating people I've ever met? (it was one of the only things I laughed at - that review was devastating, and it took me some time to process the statements - while they are something to think about and maybe learn something, they were likely the result of a disgruntled employee, based on the comments of my other staff. However. However however. So one morning this week I made a joke about my inability to be intimidating, and everyone got rather quiet. And some of them told me that they could see why someone might see me as intimidating. That other staff who had worked there and moved on had even mentioned this.

I. Was. Blown. Away. I'm still processing this. I brought it up to some friends I am very close to, and they said that while they don't find me intimidating, they could see why someone else might. That I have a large personality, I tend to say what I mean, and I have confidence. That they love this, but that others, who maybe do not have large personalities, might find this intimidating. Which send me into a bit of a nutjob spiral, wondering, what is intimidating? Are these people actually afraid of making me angry, or do they just find my personality too large and annoying to want to be around. Goodbye confidence, right?

Let's explore this a bit. It has taken me years upon years to learn to like myself. I spent my entire 20s and most of my 30s out and out disliking myself! I had no self-esteem, and no confidence. I still don't necessarily feel confident in everything - specifically parenting, I question every freaking decision I make, and in management, which is way too close to parenting for my comfort. But I'm almost 45. I've been me for a long time, I finally have a good handle on who I am, and guys, I kind of like myself. I am a kind person, I love to laugh, especially at myself, and care - about my people, about the world, about life. I like that I know my own opinions, that I believe in equal rights for everyone, that freaking global warming is real, and exacerbated by humans, that I'd rather pay a little extra so everyone can afford their insulin...etc. And that I'm not afraid to discuss politics and religion with people.

Then I start to think about the people who definitely do like me - the people who actually invite me to be a part of not only their, but their children's and family's lives, and enjoy being around me. They are really amazing, cool, excellent people. My friend Laura, who I walked with today? She is one of the smartest people I've ever met, makes me laugh, loves animals, and never makes me feel like an idiot. She enjoys my personality. My friend S? She is a much more quiet and reserved person, but she seems to want me around. And I'm thinking, well shit. If these amazing people like me and want me around, I can't be all that intimidating. In fact, maybe I'm damn likable (and yes, I do still struggle with the whole "not everyone will always like you." Even if I don't much like someone else, I work hard to make sure they like me. That is a personality issue I have never grown out of.)

So, I think I've processed this. It is another lesson for me - that maybe I need to be a little more mindful of how I am communicating, especially at work. I don't actually want to scare anyone, and I do like to be liked. But I also, maybe, need to learn to be a little more comfortable with not always being liked. Because I have a lot of fantastic people who do actually like me, and shit people, I can't be greedy and take all the cool kids for myself!

Goodness I went on here, didn't I? I have healthy stuff to discuss, but that may have to wait a few days. Here is a picture of my food prep from today:

Mason jar salads, daughter's lunches, smoothie kits

Quick side note (maybe not all that unrelated): Have you seen "A Beautiful Day in The Neighborhood"? I'm not a big one for biopics, or serious movies, but this was truly a lovely movie. So often we discover things about people that bother us, but people like Mr. Rogers and Bob Ross? Every new thing I find out just makes them better people. It was a nice way to end a day of deep soul searching.

"I'll be back. When the day is new. And I'll have more ideas for you."

Sugar Detox Day 4, Workout Day 29

Hello chickens. 

So I told you last time that I signed up for this Restart program at the kickboxing/crossfit gym I love. The way I read it, it was a weekly nutrition class/support group and two boot camps each week. I thought it was a restart - like people get together to learn a little more about nutrition, support each other and make some healthy habits at the beginning of the year. I did not realize it was Restart™, a program incorporating "education about nutrition and digestion" with a sugar "detox" in order to "eliminate toxins" and "reduce inflammation." If I sound a little cynical, it's because I've done something very similar to this with the Whole 30, and I'm sure many of you have read about the unscientific basis for that particular program. A lot of rules about what I can and can't eat, a lot of jargon about toxins and inflammation, not much science. It was developed by a Nutritional Therapy Practitioner, which is a lot like a "health coach" in that they cannot diagnose anyone or give medical advice, and they seem to be very focused on whole foods and how they can help to bring your body into balance. The first week of the program is about preparation, then you do a three week sugar detox together, and then learning to reintegrate what makes you feel good etc. Each individual class is run by a Nutritional Therapist, who has taken classes through this program to learn how to facilitate, I guess. The woman running my particular has individualized it a bit - the original is a 5 week program, and doesn't incorporate exercise. For this program, she integrated two Inbody scans - one at the beginning, and one at the end. She increased the program to 6 weeks, and includes two trainer-led boot camps a week. I was excited about the support component, and disappointed when I arrived to find 3 tall, slender, fit people sitting there. Obviously not there for weight loss support, these people had been working out and doing crossfit, and whatnot. They're nice enough, and not judgy, but I'm still not getting that support.

Anyway, why, Missy, is your cynical ass going ahead with the program, you ask? A few reasons:

1. I already paid for it before I knew what it really was. 

2. The boot camps are totally worth it. Really great workouts, and while I'm not exactly having "fun", I'm enjoying the challenge. And the trainer brings her dog sometimes, and he's a good boy!

3. I actually do eat way too much sugar, and doing this with other people helps. 

4. It's only 3 weeks.

So I'm 4 days in to the detox, and the first 2 1/2 days sucked so hard - the headaches alone made me want to cry. I prepped all my food for the week on Sunday, which was a crapton of work, and I hate cooking anyway, so I'll have to adjust a bit for that so I actually feel like I have a weekend. I am eating soup every day for breakfast. If you know a good healthy soup full of protein and veggies, with no sugar added, and no soy of any kind, and no noodles or gluten...please let me know. Bonus points if it's easy. Extra extra bonus points if you make it for me. 

Other than the food thing, I've been working out every day, and that feels pretty good. I promised myself a massage at the end of every 30 days, so I have to get on finding and booking one because I have SWT and Pound classes tonight, and boot camp tomorrow, and that will be 30 days in a row...woot woot! 

I'll post some of the food I'm making in the upcoming days. One happy thing about this program is it's not as strict as some of the others. She says if you choose to indulge in something during the detox, do so, as long as you mindfully choose to eat that item. For instance, this Friday night, I have a Girl's Night Out at a new, and possibly very good, restaurant. If I see something on the menu that is really calling out to me, I may mindfully choose to order it. Perhaps. we'll see what they have. 

Ok, so this is kind of a breakdown of what I'm doing, and I will come back this weekend and give you updates. See you soon. Wish me luck.

Ned Flanders is not my spirit animal

I hope you've been enjoying your week. I am 14 days into this workout every day challenge, and still going. Sunday I add a new aspect to this challenge - a "Jumpstart" program at the kickboxing gym I love. Two boot camps a week, and a nutrition support group, which I soooooo need. Apparently, part of the challenge is a sugar detox, which sounds so not glorious, but I really do need to back off the sugar a bit. Guys. I like my sugar. I do not know what this will look like, but as long as they do not force me to eat (or shudder, cook) fish every day, I can handle it. I do like scientifically based nutrition, though, so let's hope they don't start spouting a bunch of "my mama's cousin cured her diabetes with this diet" nonsense. I'm already a little nervous about the "detox" name, but I will keep an open mind. I definitely work harder when someone else tells me what to do, and this is only 6 weeks.
So, like I said, this is at the kickboxing gym I love, and I really want to start going again. I also have wanted a heavy bag of my own for a few years now, but I never wanted to buy one for myself. You all know I do that Reddit gift exchange every year, and several of the years I've gotten cat gift after cat gift, but this year! Dudes! They got me my heavy bag! My brother helped me set it up in the basement, and I worked out on it this morning!

That is my hand, in my glove, not actually punching, but you get the idea!

Only problem - last night I did jogging intervals on the treadmill, and damn, if my knees weren't killing me today. Like, my thighs and butt have been super sore the past 2 weeks, but my knees were hurting again, which is what made me quit kickboxing in the first place. So I went pretty easy today, alternating between punching and kicking and using the stationary bike, just to get moving. But I am really for sure going to have to get some weight off before I can do more high impact stuff. Last night I weighed in and it was pretty bad - I gained almost a pound this past week. I've mentioned that weight loss for its own sake is not why I'm working; I just want to be able to do the things I want to do for a long time to come. This body will never look good in a bikini again, but it will damn well be kickboxing again before my next birthday.

So...planning. Food prep. Writing it down (ugh). Smoothies. And, apparently, a sugar "detox."

All the emotions

Ok, it's just not going to happen every day. That's alright, but it means I need to stop numbering posts. Sooner or later they might be named "Clever Blog Post A" or something, but today I had emotions, so I will talk about those.e
Argh! Finnegan is not helping!

Wants to be all up in my business

Ok, so, emotions. First, today was workout 8 of 100, and I went to a class at SWT, which is kind of hip hop, a little Latin, a lot of twerking... good fun, and I'll definitely be going back. Anyway, at the end of the class, Gabby, the instructor, always does this destress period after the cooldown, where she has us close our eyes and let go of the crap in our lives, and do some breathing, a little more stretching, and she ends with a motivational quote. Today she was telling us to picture the crap we need to let go of, and well...a friend of mine asked not too long ago if I ever cried during yoga. I can't remember a time I did, but for some reason, this segment of the class set me off. I'm sitting there starting to bawl, thinking of stupid 2019, and stupid 2018 before it, and my feelings of incompetence at work, and so on, and then I remember, she always finishes the class with a group picture, and I couldn't do that with tears running down my face, so I managed to squelch it, but damn! That was interesting.

I love this mug - I drink tea from it, and I don't cry. You can get it from www.emilymcdowell.com

 It really is a fun class, though, and I've never actually cried before, so don't take that as a warning.

It was also fun because one of the participants/instructors is the weight loss doctor I was seeing. I didn't like the program so much, but I loved the doctor, so much, and I really want to be her friend, so it was lovely to see her again.

Tomorrow I am off work to see my therapist, spend some time with my son, go to Costco, and visit my mom, who just had surgery (she had an internal defibrillator implanted) so I need to go check on her. Hopefully I'll also have time to sit down for a minute, but if nothing else, I don't have to drive all the way up to the office.

Ooh, speaking of my commute, I am listening to a new book, highly recommended.

I can't tell you much so far other than the writing is gorgeous, and the narrator for the female character has the most delicate, lovely voice. Which is interesting when she says the word "cock." Which she does, more than once. I'm enjoying the book so far, and I'll keep you posted; it's a long one. I've never read anything by this author before - have any of you?

Alrighty, I have to wake up to go to the gym tomorrow, so I'm going to bed. If I work out here, though, I can sleep in a bit. That may have to happen. Anyway, good night!

Day 3

First and foremost, stomach is feeling better, thank you very much for the well wishes.

It is very wet here today in Cincinnati, so it was a gym day. I go to Planet Fitness, so I decided to try a new one on my way home, and visited the Oakley location. It was fine. I really kind of hate the gym this time of year, but I got there early enough to avoid the worst of the crowds. Anyway, I did 6 minutes on the rower, 32 minutes on the treadmill, and some planks. Still hoping to attend some classes with friends...hint hint...anyway, I took my obligatory selfie, which I will put on Instagram, but I'm sure people get kind of tired of my double and triple posting, so we'll find another amusing and fun fitness-related image to post here.

Now, I realize this is not a hobbit (I'm not an ignoramus, people!), but I have this need to live in a Hobbit Hole. Not really, but they just seem so freaking cozy. A few of you may remember my husband and I took our first trip alone in 17 years a few months ago. We went to Nashville, IN, which was nice, and we had a really good time, even if we did sit in a hot tub. So last night we were chatting a little about our next trip, which is apparently on me to plan (hint: it will not be in Indiana.) Did you know they have Air bnb Hobbit Holes!? There is one in Virginia! The pictures are kind of hilarious - it definitely draws a certain cosplaying clientele. And they have broom making workshops! I was quite charmed, although I have broom, and a husband with a love for robot vacuums, so I feel no need to carve my own broom.

Anyway, looking for getaway locations, within a few hours, and affordable. I would love some suggestions. Hot tub NOT required.

Day 2

Day 2 of 100 - my stomach is bothering me today, so I took a walk from work, and then got lost, which extended the walk by a bit. I also had a green smoothie for breakfast, which may be why my stomach is hurting? I have no idea.

I've been binging Seinfeld lately. I find the humor from Seinfeld to age well.

I'm not concentrating tonight, so rather than boring you all, I'm just going to say have a good night.

New Year, New...Year

Hi.
I wrote earlier in December, but didn't post, as it was a little dark, and I was struggling. For no real reason - weather? Holidays? I don't know. Anyway, I ended up not finishing the post, and then I went to see my therapist, which definitely helped. And then the holidays hit, which I can't really complain about, as my holidays tend to be pretty chill, what with my heathen husband, my young adult kids, and most of my family in other states. Nope, no real reason to stress, although I do, because "constant low-grade anxiety" is my middle name. Sexy, right?

So I told my therapist that I quit the St. E program. She gave me homework - workout 3 times a week, meal plan, and blog more. My goal? Not to gain weight. That was it - just not to gain. I ate my fair share of junk, but I didn't want to gain anymore weight. Then I pulled a muscle in the top of my calf (playing with my cat, little demon), and did not work out for a week, but the rest of it was not bad. My scale does not show a gain - hopefully my friend's won't either. Oh, and you'll notice the blogging thing didn't happen.

So I made some new goals, because, honestly, what's more fun for an anxious self-analyzer than drumming up a new plan for self-improvement and telling everyone about it, and then worrying about letting everyone down when I inevitably trip and fall into a bucket of ice cream and forget where the gym is?

Seriously, I am not that self-pitying. (but am I that self-involved? Because I've used hyphenated self-words several times in the last two paragraphs.) I just like making goals. Sooner or later I learn from the various mistakes. For example, I hate those nasty-ass shakes, but I enjoyed my month of green smoothies last year, so those will probably make a reappearance. I do better with fitness when I'm trying to keep a streak going, so I started a 100 day challenge today.

From top to bottom - sweaty selfy, treadmill screen from today's workout, hot zone I cleaned up, Tricky Rick, the ferret.

 I will likely be posting here more just to keep the excitement going. And if any of you locals want to hit me up to come work out, please do, and I will definitely encourage back. Especially classes, I love classes. I'm going to be using my Organize Yourself Skinny e-class I bought a few years ago - the steps are manageable, and I always do better when organized. It's one of the best e-classes I've done, and I've tried a few. Check out the link in the sidebar, if you're in the market.

Something fun to share - I cannot come up with my own recipes. I've mentioned before my failures at smoothie creating - I have to use a recipe, or they come out gross. Last night I decided to try my hand at a lentil soup. I had a recipe to start with, but I had a few containers of Trader Joe's preprepped veggies (mirapoix and the 7 veggie blend) that I wanted to add, so I knew I would need some extra flavor. I started with garlic, ginger, salt, pepper, and turmeric, but there was just not enough flavor. A normal person might have just added some more of the flavors she had started with, but I thought, ooh, those chopped hatch green chiles in jar look good - let's add those. crap, that didn't work, more garlic! What is that bitter taste? Got my husband to come in and help (he has a better feel for spices), and he asks what on earth I've added? We added some soy sauce and a little apple cider vinegar. This is the lentil soup of ALL the flavors. It ended up not being terrible, but weird, and then today, after a night in the fridge, it was a little better. It will be my lunch for the next few days. If nothing else, it is pretty freaking healthy.

Moral of the story - if you're coming to dinner, make sure I'm using a recipe, or that my husband is doing the cooking.