Forewarning: this is a pitiful post full of very personal details and a lot of boohoo-ing about my present psychological state. You may want to stop reading now.
You ever have one of those weeks? One where you felt just ugly and stupid and low? Your house is a terrible mess, but you can't summon even the a smidgen of the energy needed to clean it? You need to exercize and eat well, but you can't be bothered? This has been one of those weeks. And I'm feeling ridiculously sorry for myself. Even though I have friends who are going through so very much more than I have ever faced, I can't bring myself to get off my rear and do something about the pathetic state I am in.
I chat with a group of friends online, and I tend to feel a bit like an unpopular idiot when I talk to them...which is stupid, because it's nothing they say or do. I had a dream the other night that my husband was finding...extracurricular entertainment...if you will, and it was more disturbing than my usual dreams. When I confronted him about it (in the dream, not in real life), he laughed at me and asked, "what do you expect?" Yeah. Pathetic. Anyway, I've been overtired, watching way too much television, and not doing any more than absolutely necessary this entire week, but still feeling put-upon and crabby. And I'm nowhere near my time of month.
Before you ask, my medically minded friends, it's not an issue with my meds. I know what that feels like, as I've experienced it twice already this year. This is more a...self-esteem crisis. Something I need to attack. I feel this is sort of a first step in that process - a venting of the issues, a journal entry of sorts.
Thanks for listening.