I've spent some time in self-analysis this morning. I like to sing in the shower, but when no songs come to mind, I spend a lot of time thinking back over conversations, what I should have said, or not said. Considering issues I'm having with people, particularly my son. Today's ruminations took me back 3 days...
Tuesday night I went to my Classics Book Club. This is one of my favorite things I do. Not only because I've discovered some books I've really enjoyed, and never would have read on my own (the mark of any good book club,) but because the people I've met at this book club are some of the best people I know. I can never thank my friend S enough for inviting me to be a part of this. The woman who started it, started it with the idea that we would read a book and meet every other month, but we've liked each other's company so much, we wanted to meet more often. Her boyfriend (now husband) suggested we alternate a classic book and a classic movie, which has been great for those of us who only watch bad comedies. So we meet once a month, and these are the nights I look forward to most.
This past week there were only 3 of us (weather's been bad, people have stuff, whatever,) and sometimes that's nice, as we get a chance to chat and catch up. We were chatting, and both of the women there have a lot going on, so there was a lot to say. A lot I was saying. About an hour and a half in, I'm telling yet another story about me when I made a realization:
Oh God. I am one of THOSE people.
You know the people. The ones who, no matter what is being said, has to make it all about them. I've been aware for awhile (I've even blogged about it) that I have a nervous habit of talking more, and faster, and louder, when I'm uncomfortable around people. I have to make them think I'm clever and funny, obviously! But I wasn't uncomfortable or nervous. I was just talking. I've always known I've talked a lot, but I guess I never really stopped and listened to myself...I talk about myself a lot.
Now, I have a blog. I try not to talk a lot about subjects I know nothing about, and I am an expert on nothing but myself, so that is what I blog about. I'm pretty clear about that, so if you're here, you can't really complain that I blog too much about myself. But conversations, especially with intelligent, fun women? I don't need to be the star of that show.
I've always thought that those people just think their stories are better and more interesting than everyone else's; that they are smarter and more eloquent, and so they must dominate the conversation. But I don't think that way. I really don't know why I do this. I will say it is not a conscious thing, and that Tuesday evening, once I actually stopped and listened to what I was saying, I made a conscious decision to listen more and talk less. I don't know how successful I was, but I did stop talking briefly.
I guess I am just letting you all know that I realize what I am doing, and I am trying to work on it. Maybe I'll broach this particular subject with my therapist next time. I pay her to listen to my stories, so I don't feel guilty dominating those conversations...
Ok, so I was going to add a picture here, but I Googled images for "women who talk too much" and some of the most offensive images came up. Yikes. Google at your own risk.
Have a lovely day!