Monday, August 19, 2013

Live Your Passion!, Or Why I Need to Stop Wallowing in My Own Mind

I use this space, when I use it, for many different purposes.  A way to keep up with family, although I'm not sure anyone besides my mom actually reads it.  A journal, of sorts, documenting what's up in my life, likes and dislikes, crafty things (when I make them.)  A way of documenting my issues with depression and anxiety.  And sometimes, it's just a place to go and vent for awhile.  We all need a place to vent - I just like to do mine in a nice, public space ;)

My day started something a little like this:

I actually was picturing this scene this morning, as I was hauling rear to work after physically dragging my daughter from bed, and then wrangling her crazy coif into a ponytail, then having to take an alternate route due to major backup on the interstate, and all of this on NO coffee.  (Oh, did I forget to mention?  I have a job right now.  I went back to the American Cancer Society - it's temporary, but I do love the job, so I'm happy about that.) Then I spent 45 minutes on the phone with IT, who still insists I don't exist.  I'm an office assistant.  My job is not particularly important, but I do need computer access, so as to type and stuff.  For crying out loud. 

Then I had lunch with my brother and sister, and that was really nice.  Went back to the office, had plenty of work to do to keep me busy - had a pleasant afternoon.  Came home, and the kids went out to dinner with my brother, so it's quiet now.  So yes, lovely evening thus far.

But my brain got in the way of my own contentment.  Stupid brain does that sometimes.  I have a bad habit of comparing myself to other people -- and coming up short in my own mind.  This is not the life I envisioned for myself when I was a teenager.  I always thought I would do something creative; I don't remember the last time I had a creative impulse.  This makes me sad.  I have a lovely friend, a brilliant woman, who is so very creative that she has trouble settling on one outlet for those impulses.  She writes, photographs, makes jewelry, amazing, authentic costumes...she's so creative and artistic, it practically radiates from her.  Her family is just as talented.  And I adore this family, and love to be around them...but a tiny piece of me feels so much despair when I (inevitably) compare my own efforts and accomplishments. And the internet and social media, as much fun as it is, makes it worse, because you get to see ALL the things ALL the people are doing that you are not doing.  I love to read blogs, and sometimes I find them inspiring and uplifting...and sometimes I see them as ideals I can't possibly live up to.  I love the simplicity blogs - they are all about giving up all the clutter and extras, giving yourself the time and money to Live Your Passion!  But what if you have no idea what that passion is?  How do you find it?  I believe I've even complained about this before, but I'm serious.  Are you living your passion?  If so, how did you figure out what that "Passion" was?

That's it.  That's all the venting I have for today.  Mentally, things are (knock on wood) going well.  Kids are back in school, which is not nearly as much fun while I'm working as when I wasn't, obviously.  I miss seeing my twinlets as much as I want, and they miss me too, which makes me feel loved.  I'm feeling a little more stretched and challenged lately, which I like.  I have to find that routine that works for me again - cooking has not been done much lately.  How do we do this working/taking care of home thing again? 

For now, have a nice night.  My kids are gone and my husband is upstairs, and I think I'll go join him.  And I kind of want to watch Office Space again. 


Donna said...

This could be my blog post....except I'm much older than you, with a lot less time left for me to get something passionately creative working in my life. I'm not even creative enough to be a dabbler...I'm more of an enjoyer. I enjoy and rejoice with my friends and acquaintances that are super talented plus productive. I've always thought of you as being can do most anything you've attempted. Granted, I've not held a novel of yours in my hands, yet...but...who says you have to write one? Or anything? You have wonderful kids and a beautiful home. Tons of friends and a job to wrangle over with that clueless IT department...whether they ever catch on. OH, and I do read most of your blog posts...I'm sure I've missed a few, but that's the story of my life!

A girl and three boys said...

The twinletts (twinlets? I don't know) miss you, too, and might make me stop by your office sometime this week ;)

Amie said...

Um, you can add your prima favorita to the list of people who read your blog.