I have not quite felt myself since the beginning of December. I'm not sure what's going on - I'm obsessing over things, real and imagined, that I can't really control. I've been to the doctor and my therapist, and discussed med changes, and talked through my problems. I'm not having panic attacks, thank goodness, but I am crying more easily than usual, and I wake up each morning a little shaky and nauseous. This is all rather sucky, so I've implemented some changes over things I can control, and these changes are helping:
1. Exercise. There are three reasons I've stepped up the workouts - I lost a lot of weight over the month of December and as my appetite returns, I don't want to gain it all back at once; the last time I exercised regularly, I never had a panic attack or bout of depression (and there is actual scientific proof that regular exercise helps with depression;) and finally, last time I was at the doctor's office, he said my blood pressure was dangerously high and he put me on blood pressure medication. I tried to argue that I had been suffering a month-long anxiety attack, and that had to raise my blood pressure, but the "dangerously" part concerned me. He said if I lose 20 more pounds, he'll look at taking me off the medication. Here's hoping.
2. Writing and meditation. I know these things work, but I don't always do them. I'm trying to do at least one a day.
3. My friends. What amazing friends I have. So many people willing to listen, to hug, to tell me I'm wonderful. I'm a very lucky girl.
4. My mom and my sister. Same thing here - I can always go to them for support. And both understand me better than I do.
5. These girls. Even when I am feeling my worst, a hug from a twinlet makes me smile.
Things are looking up a bit - I'm feeling a little clearer, a little sunnier. Winter is a tough time for those of us dealing with depression - even if your diagnosis isn't seasonal, the dark and cold has an affect. Find those actions you can take to make yourself feel better - I feel more in control of my own illness when I know what I need to do. Good luck to us all.