Posting during the pandemic, part deux

Hey chickens, how are you holding up? I'm fine - lucky I still have a job (fingers crossed that continues), still healthy, my friends and family still healthy (knocking on all the wood-like materials). Bizarrely, my mental health is still good. I talked to my therapist last Thursday, and she asked how I was sleeping, and was pleasantly surprised by my "fine." C'mon guys, my anxiety doesn't tend to follow rational rules - I freak out about what might happen, not about what is actually happening.

Again, I credit exercise for most of my calm. While I'm missing my gym, I am still moving every day, and being able to work out during lunch is pretty excellent. I'm having a pile of mulch delivered tomorrow, so I'm going to go out and clean up the beds and prep them for spreading. I'm hoping that my recent activity will make spreading mulch much easier than it was a few years, and 20 lbs ago.

I don't have a ton to share today; I just wanted to check in with all of you, and let you know you're amazing and I'm thinking of all of you. And you are fantastic, just where you are. Steve Kamb from Nerd Fitness sent out a message a couple of days ago about how he's been struggling to be productive during this time, which is funny, because he works from home generally, but you know, things are a little wonky right now and all. Anyway, he quotes author Ryan Holiday:
 “There are two types of time: Dead Time—where we are passive and biding, and Alive Time—where we are learning and acting and leveraging every second towards our intended future.”

This spoke to me today for some reason. I've been working, but really just doing the bare minimum. Exercising, but I really don't push myself as hard as I should. Remember how I ate ice cream for breakfast last week? I haven't done that since but I also haven't been watching my calorie intake at all, and I guarantee yesterday I ate enough to feed a good-sized elephant. My house is where I am all the time now, and I would like it to feel more comfortable and clean. 

Here's where I stepped out of my comfort zone. So, the gym I go to is pretty hard core. It's crossfit, and every member I've met so far is a badass. Like, the coaches have been posting WODs and striking workouts every day, and while I have to scale most of them, the other members have been doing the workouts, and adding extra challenges, and let's run a few miles while we're at it. Oh, and they started a nutrition challenge on Sunday! I tend not to post on the member's Facebook page because it's a wee bit intimidating being the least fit, and one of the oldest, but today, I posted. I posted where I'm at, how I'm feeling, and where I want to be. I don't know if anyone read it yet, but I posted - well I posted a lot, but the meat of it is:

Workouts: at least 2 WODs (my downfall), 2 striking per week (I do other workouts the other days)

Food: Dana's produce challenge (just made a mess of asparagus, yum.)

The reps challenge: I've let things slide, and am not there, but my goal is to be able to do all 100 of each, in a row, by May 1. Also working on my jumping rope - I have bruises on my shins, but I plan to be jumping with the rest of you by the time the gym reopens.

The Reps challenge consists of 100 pushups, 100 situps, and 100 air squats (just squats) a day. I'm not there. So I started today with 10 of each, plus a 30 second plank, and plan to add a few each day. 

I have to go up to play with the ferrety ferrets now. Stay home, stay healthy, love you.

Posting during the pandemic, part 1

The world is crazy right now, and I hope you are all healthy, and dealing with our current situation with comfort and humor. What the hell, right? I've been working from home for the past week, and that has been interesting. The lack of commute has added to my free time, so that's been nice. And I can work in my work out clothes, so I can work out during my lunch. Also nice. I miss my sweet coworkers, though, and my printer, and my routine. And if there is one thing we anxious nutjobs require, it's routine.

So I've been trying to create a bit of a routine here. Sleeping a little later (and that has been lovely,) getting dressed (in workout clothes.) I did realize, during a conference call, that I need to wear a bra for work. They like us to use our webcams. Anyway, I make sure I get my workout each day. That is the most important part of keeping my sanity, which is necessary to the whole household, right? Exercise, endorphins, not shooting my husband...

Anywho, Finnegan has decided to sit on my arms again, making it difficult to type. Silly Finny.

Wanna hear a little something ironic? Remember last time I wrote, I mentioned I had been losing some weight, and if I got under the next big important number, I would get my hair cut and colored? I hit that number! Last Tuesday. The day Kentucky closed all the salons. Yup. Fantastic, right?

But actually it is kind of fantastic, and physically I'm feeling pretty fantastic.

I do need to work on the stress eating, though. I did, admittedly, eat ice cream for breakfast this morning. Which I do very occasionally, as ice cream and coffee is one of my favorite treats. But I won't tomorrow. I am watching my way through Arrested Development, which helps, and I ordered two cross stitch kits. I need to learn something new (I've never cross stitched before; I hear this is an easy skill to learn, and I need to do something creative.)

What are you doing to deal with the stress of our current situation? Love and light to you all. Stay healthy.

What's new pussycat?

A lot is going on in the world, but today I am going to talk about me and my little world. You don't mind do you?

So this is my current situation:

Not one, but two kitties have made me their bed, so typing is difficult. We will power through, however. Finny hurt himself earlier, and so I am spoiling him rotten right now. He deserves it.

Today was day 70 of my 100 day workout streak. I did crossfit - my first real WOD. It was tough. I always said I would rather do an hour of kickboxing than a 20 minute WOD. And that is still the case, but I like to mix it up. And I started doing that boot camp, and the Thursday night boot camps were crossfit-inspired. I found that, as much as I dreaded them, I felt amazing after. She got me to do things I did not think I could do. So I am going back. I figure 2-3 crossfit classes a week, 1-2 kickboxing, 1 night of Pound/SWT, and walking/yoga for the other 2. That makes for a good mix.

Ok, Finny just jumped down, so I can type with both hands now. Last time we talked nutrition, I was just starting the 21 day sugar cleanse. I finished that, and I did hop back on the sugar train, but I will say I learned some things. I tend to get very hungry around 10/10:30, but if I make sure I have a decent amount of protein at breakfast, I can make it until lunch. I hate eggs, so today I made a smoothie with a scoop of protein powder, and that worked. It's kind of high calorie-wise, but lots of produce, including spinach. Easing up on the sugar did cause me to drop some weight, so I am making an effort to continue to limit my intake. I am also...sigh...logging my food. Yeah, I know, that will probably be the best change, but crap, I hate doing it.

I am down 20 lbs from my starting weight, which isn't much considering how much I have to lose and how long I've been going, but I fully intend to keep this off. Also, weight loss, while a desirable outcome, was not my primary goal. My primary goal is health and to keep moving (although my knees are feeling a lot better with a bit less weight.) Anyway, since it is a desirable outcome, and I am awfully close to that next milestone number (I haven't gotten below 260 in 10 years,) I promised myself a haircut and color when I hit 259. Like, for real, not me using a box, color. I've had my long-ass grey hair in a ponytail for 2 years now, and I just don't feel that way inside. I am obviously 26, people, come on! I figure I should hit that number within the next month, which means I'll have my pretty new haircut before my birthday. Yay!

What do you do to reward yourself for hitting milestones?

Finnegan is back, so I'm back to one hand. This is too slow going, so I'm going to snuggle my kitty. Have a safe and pleasant evening.

Let's make the most of this beautiful day...

Let's start with the fact that today was day 68 of my workout streak. 68 out of 100, and feeling fine. I went a little easy Thursday, Friday, and Saturday this week - my allergies were acting up and I was feeling a little low. Of course, working out harder probably would have felt better, but my 6 week program is over, I don't have anyone expecting me at that gym anymore, and I find it difficult to get up the guts to go to crossfit by myself, no matter how good I feel when I'm done. I need to make some friends there, because it is a little intimidating, even though everybody has been super nice. Tomorrow I have kickboxing there, and I will definitely go and kick off a week to fit harder workouts in. If anyone is interested in trying the crossfit, the first three classes are free. Would love to get a few of you to come to Pound with me on Wednesday, too. In other words, come on guys, come work out with me!

Anyway, today I walked almost 3 miles with my friend Laura. It is so beautiful outside, and Laura is the world's best listener, which was lovely, as I had something happen this week that I have been processing. You all remember we did that Management 360 review last year, and members of my staff rated me on all sorts of things, and one of my staff (confidential) said a lot of very harsh things about me, including that I could be intimidating? And I laughed at that, as I feel I am one of the least intimidating people I've ever met? (it was one of the only things I laughed at - that review was devastating, and it took me some time to process the statements - while they are something to think about and maybe learn something, they were likely the result of a disgruntled employee, based on the comments of my other staff. However. However however. So one morning this week I made a joke about my inability to be intimidating, and everyone got rather quiet. And some of them told me that they could see why someone might see me as intimidating. That other staff who had worked there and moved on had even mentioned this.

I. Was. Blown. Away. I'm still processing this. I brought it up to some friends I am very close to, and they said that while they don't find me intimidating, they could see why someone else might. That I have a large personality, I tend to say what I mean, and I have confidence. That they love this, but that others, who maybe do not have large personalities, might find this intimidating. Which send me into a bit of a nutjob spiral, wondering, what is intimidating? Are these people actually afraid of making me angry, or do they just find my personality too large and annoying to want to be around. Goodbye confidence, right?

Let's explore this a bit. It has taken me years upon years to learn to like myself. I spent my entire 20s and most of my 30s out and out disliking myself! I had no self-esteem, and no confidence. I still don't necessarily feel confident in everything - specifically parenting, I question every freaking decision I make, and in management, which is way too close to parenting for my comfort. But I'm almost 45. I've been me for a long time, I finally have a good handle on who I am, and guys, I kind of like myself. I am a kind person, I love to laugh, especially at myself, and care - about my people, about the world, about life. I like that I know my own opinions, that I believe in equal rights for everyone, that freaking global warming is real, and exacerbated by humans, that I'd rather pay a little extra so everyone can afford their insulin...etc. And that I'm not afraid to discuss politics and religion with people.

Then I start to think about the people who definitely do like me - the people who actually invite me to be a part of not only their, but their children's and family's lives, and enjoy being around me. They are really amazing, cool, excellent people. My friend Laura, who I walked with today? She is one of the smartest people I've ever met, makes me laugh, loves animals, and never makes me feel like an idiot. She enjoys my personality. My friend S? She is a much more quiet and reserved person, but she seems to want me around. And I'm thinking, well shit. If these amazing people like me and want me around, I can't be all that intimidating. In fact, maybe I'm damn likable (and yes, I do still struggle with the whole "not everyone will always like you." Even if I don't much like someone else, I work hard to make sure they like me. That is a personality issue I have never grown out of.)

So, I think I've processed this. It is another lesson for me - that maybe I need to be a little more mindful of how I am communicating, especially at work. I don't actually want to scare anyone, and I do like to be liked. But I also, maybe, need to learn to be a little more comfortable with not always being liked. Because I have a lot of fantastic people who do actually like me, and shit people, I can't be greedy and take all the cool kids for myself!

Goodness I went on here, didn't I? I have healthy stuff to discuss, but that may have to wait a few days. Here is a picture of my food prep from today:

Mason jar salads, daughter's lunches, smoothie kits

Quick side note (maybe not all that unrelated): Have you seen "A Beautiful Day in The Neighborhood"? I'm not a big one for biopics, or serious movies, but this was truly a lovely movie. So often we discover things about people that bother us, but people like Mr. Rogers and Bob Ross? Every new thing I find out just makes them better people. It was a nice way to end a day of deep soul searching.

"I'll be back. When the day is new. And I'll have more ideas for you."