Yeah, that.
I thought for sure that doing this hospital thing, where I see a dietitian weekly, meaning I'm accountable to someone, would help me be more disciplined. Obviously, it's not. This is not an exercise thing, either, since, as we all know, weight loss is so very much about the food. I have not been perfect with the exercise, don't get me wrong, but I am so much more likely to go work out for an hour than to eat well all day. I ate well on Sunday! Not terribly on Saturday. Not great the past week or two.
Here's the thing. The dietitians don't care. This is not a knock against them, they are doing their job, they ask questions like, "why do you think you do that," and "what could you be doing that would help you make better choices?" Which are perfectly fine questions, and highlight the very issue here. I am not "slipping up" or " accidentally eating large portions". I know what I'm doing, and I'm consciously eating high calorie treat type food. And I have no idea why, other than, I want to. Which makes me sound like I'm 9. Which apparently is where I am, mentally, when it comes to food. Anyway, yeah, so with this program the way it is, if I was working it, I would be down more than 30 lbs by now, but I haven't been working it at all. I don't much like the stuff, and I don't really like the people I have to see every week. Which is mean, again, they are doing their job, but they just don't seem to care, and we just don't connect. I like the doctor a lot. If I saw her every week, I'd probably do better, but that would cost a lot of money. She does do the dance fitness classes I used to take every week, maybe I should start going to those again, just so I saw her weekly, but that would feel a bit like stalking. I do want to go back to those, but the timing is pretty limited, so I'm not sure when I'll fit it in.
So many excuses. I'm not sure what my magic kick in the ass looks like. I think a support group-like atmosphere, where you get to know people, and we all care about each other's progress, but Weight Watchers was not my thing, and I guess this is a little old fashioned of me, but I need to do it in person, at least once a week. People have been texting me, and it is kind and so attentive, but I want to chat, and I am the worlds....slowest...texter.
Just a break here - I don't know how many Riverdance people we have working in the office overhead, but they walk so heavily! Makes me want to check on their footwear and see if they are all wearing steel-toed workboots. Seems a little over the top for officewear.
Anyway, that's enough whining.
Oh, except my brother and I went to the gym on Saturday, and we did some heavy lifting, including tricep work, which I apparently have not been working very hard. Sunday I was a little sore, but yesterday, starting very very early in the morning, my tris hurt so much! Like, I had to move my head to my hands to wash and brush my hair. Like, could not bend my arms toward me more than 90 degrees. Like woke up in tears at one point. It was stupid ridiculous. Obviously, I overworked them, but holy crapballs, it hurt. Last night, I took some ibuprofen before bed, and this morning I could brush my hair. Still sore, but not Leslie Knope sore.
It's getting so dark so early that I have no energy after work. So last night, I didn't get out of the office until 5, so I skipped the gym. I will have to stop doing that. Or start working out in the morning again. I might try that, but today I have one of the classes for this weight loss program (it's the first behavioral health class I've gotten to attend, and I am rather looking forward to it. Maybe they will have something interesting to say) and won't get home until almost 7, but I skipped yesterday, so I will...sigh...use the treadmill at home.
This was a pretty freaking whiny post. Whining with very little solution presentation. I guess I really just needed to vent a little. I appreciate you all being here to listen. Have a glorious day.
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